A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello Dear cupid , I have a issue..... I have a pen pal in another country he is in the U.K. And I'm in the USA we met on Instagram it started out friendly but gradually got flirty and sexual we are both really attracted to each other and have cyber sex almost every night... I've never done this before I don't know about if he has or not.... I'm going to guess yes... anyways we talk about everything and chat all day long usually, He even sends me pics of him and his son on family trips and we became Facebook friends ... here is the problem ... I know we can never meet in person though I really enjoy our chats so I just sort of took it as flirty fun but also care about his well being ... I realize that I need to actually date and not just be having cybersex with him every night that it's not healthy... So I accepted an invitation for a date from a guy I met . I didn't think this would bother him as I would be happy if he got a date and when I told him I got a date he acted happy for me and supportive but asked some questions like wanted me to send a pic of the guy and asked his name . I showed him the pic I don't know why ... he said the guy looked buff and we laughed , then he asked if I was really going to met him ? I said yes and he made a comment about well I will send you a picture so you will think of me when you have sex ... And said he was going to make me horny before I went out with the guy and said how good He is able to turn me on . I think he was getting at that he wants to have me masterbate to him first ... I kinda just laughed it off ... and then he said "ok when it comes to dating I don't exsist so have a good time you deserve it and if we lived closer I would date you " he said "I don't want to sound conceded I just know I'm great so try not to think about me " I said ok likewise if you meet someone I would be happy for you and respect it .. I hope we can always be friends .. and now he barley speaks to me ... did I hurt his feelings ? Is he mad at me ? Is he trying to give me space ? I haven't even had the date yet ... I actually found myself crying over this maybe I have developed feelings... should I just leave it alone and move on ? Thanks for any input .
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 He doesn't want you as a friend sweetie he wants someone who will have cyber sex with him. He stopped contacting you as much when you told him you had a date, because he is sulking, he feels he cannot have you but online and that nobody else should have you. Honestly I think your best bet is to stay away from him and start spending time going on dates and meeting people away from the internet.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2017):
 OP
I don't think it's realistic to stay "friends". If you started to date someone and he kept a girl he had cybersexed with would YOU be OK with that? If he claimed they were "just" friends now?
I think a clean break might be better for both of you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 Cyber sex is kind of like phone sex.. An invisible person on each end of a communication line masturbating. As such it is impossible to develop real feelings anymore than having an outing with a porn star on a porn site. Let it go and deal with reality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): EDIT: " Their his property once you give them to him. He can share them with whomever he pleases."
Correction: "They're his property once you give them to him. He can share them with whomever he pleases."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): He's a cybersex-buddy who hasn't really connected with you on a truly intimate level outside of trading sexual-images and talk. I'm not sure where all your emotions are coming from; but maybe you should do more dating so you can deal with men in a more personal and humanly-interactive way.
He doesn't communicate with you in a way that is healthy and allows for a real emotional-exchange; or see you for the whole-person that you are. You are an image to masturbate to; which is more exploitative than it is romantic.
Sometimes naughty-fun on the internet has serious repercussions. You might not want to make that the primary way you connect with men. Unless it is also a business for you. It's certainly not the greatest hobby or past-time.
It would be healthy and to your benefit to leave it alone and move on. You have to be careful about offering explicit pictures of yourself or allowing yourself to be videoed on the internet; because those images of you can end-up anywhere. Their his property once you give them to him. He can share them with whomever he pleases. He may have exchanges with a number of women. So, he probably won't miss you for too long.
Allow men to know you as a woman and a person. Not just someone they can play with and objectify. You're a sensitive woman; so don't keep that away from someone who would appreciate you for that. Don't waste emotions on a man who only views you as someone he uses to get-off. It may lower your self-esteem. Especially, if you're starting to catch feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Hi it's me the poster.. I just didn't want to sign up. . Thanks for all your input.. I think your right that maybe I have developed some feelings and didn't realize it. I totally respect if he doesn't want to cybersex or talk to me I was just hoping we could still be friends just not sexting anymore. On that note he has iniciated sexual chat and I backed out of it but still talk to him about other things... I have to protect myself from hurt feelings.. it was nice what we had I haven't actually been with a man in a long time and it helped myself confidence but it's not good in the long run . I don't think I'll ever have another cybersex relationship again but at least were still friends .
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (21 June 2017):
 he might have a wife or a gf or might just want to cut the sex talk off for your own good , he knowing that it is not in your best intrest to keep it up , it was good for a bit , and now is time to move on , same goes for you ,
he might still be happy to chat to you after a cooling off time has passed
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2017):
I think for him the "fantasy" ended when you decided to see someone for a date. Which is fine. The Cyber-thing wasn't going to last and there was no future in it outside of mutual gratification and a pseudo "friendship".
He IS giving you space because he knows all the above is true. That while he would LIKE to actually date you it isn't realistic but it's not good for ANY REAL relationship that one person is still cybersexing someone else.
Maybe he is taking your lead and looking for something REAL in his own area.
Just wish him well and accept that he doesn't WANT to be your "cyber F-buddy on the side". You had your fun with each other, now it time to get back to reality.
Seems like he has integrity.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 June 2017):
 Interesting questions. You are in an unsatisfying relationship that you consider as non exclusive. Should you end it? Yes you probably should, but would you rather? You see he is probably trying to give you room. and you have developed feelings for him. You would rather pursue a fuller relationship with gum and you are actually hurt that he didn't object to you pursuing s fuller relationship at home.
Here is a different question for you to think about. Do you KNOW that you can NEVER meet in person, or do you Assume that with out really exploring the possibilities for travel? If you could find a way to meet in person how would that change your relationships?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2017): Your cyber sex guy is taking advantage of you and probably has an enormous stash of cyber sex
videos that he can further exploit!
I think you have just got off his victim list and he is not happy about that particularly as things are likely to take off with your buff new date.
Is the buff new date a friend of mr cyber sex ?
Mr C.S. sounds manipulative so he is probably backing off in the hope you will miss him!
I can guarantee that he will be back in contact after the first date.
There are some cunning guys out there just ready to take advantage and you sound rather naive.
Have you ever told anyone in real life about either of these men?
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