A
female
age
51-59,
*risheyes112770
writes:Hi,I've been in a relationship with a man who was seperated in November 2006, moved into his apartment March, 2007. We started dating in May. I truly believe I found my soul mate. In love like never before and he tells me the same. However, for some reason I feel like he's not honest with me about his relationship with his ex-wife. One minute he tells me they're friends (which is great, no drama) and the next he tells me he doesnt like her. He is still asking her to do things for him and I dont get why. She calls him every day (they have 2 little girls) adorable and I met them. We went out on several occastions (me, him and the girls). When she calls, he says it's always to fix something at the house, or pick up the kids, etc etc. and he has to leave to go do what she asks. Should I be concerned? Oh, he doesnt call her in front of me to ask her to do things for him, he emails her. And the reason why I know this is becuase he was on my computer and left the email open so yes, I read it without him knowing.
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female
reader, Irisheyes112770 +, writes (25 October 2007):
Irisheyes112770 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, I forgot to mention that he told me she cheated on him with their carpenter. So my question is why does he still run whenever she asks?
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (25 October 2007):
 My guess is he's dealing with some guilt because he was seeing you before he got divorced. You may even be part of the reason he withdrew from his wife, though you really didn't mention if they have indeed gotten divorced. You only stated "separated" in your post. At any rate, the guilt of ending his marriage, for whatever reason is probably what's keeping him on a tether, running over there fixing things that break, making sure she's taken care of. Of course, they do have to stay in contact when it pertains to the kids. If you are indeed the "other woman" his ex wife probably enjoys coming up with reasons to drag him away from you every chance she gets. I think you need to tell him how you're feeling about the situation. He needs to stop beating himself up over the divorce/separation and stop letting her manipulate him so much. If they need to talk about the kids, that's okay. But for repairs and other mini-crisis problems, she can call a repairman. Until he takes this stand, she will continue to come between you every chance she gets. He needs to recognize what's happening and put a stop to it. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): I don't think you should end it just yet. Its still probably new to your guy been seperated and not been around the kids 24/7.
How about suggesting that he arranges certain days that he picks up the kids or has them stay at his place or what ever. That way at least both of you will kno where you stand with the kids then.
My partner has a son (who's 8) with his ex and he see's him twice a week and he has him stay over every Friday nite. Yeah I kno some times its a pain cos there might be something on that I would like US to go to or go away for a w/end. I've met his son a few times and we've gone out a few times. I don't want to intrude on their time either so let them spend as much of it 2gether as they can.
At the same time I'm glad he gets to speand and actually want to spend the time with his son also as there are so many who don't have the same access or don't want the bother!!! Give him a chance and see what he says about arranging the days to visit or have the kids...
Best of luck with it all!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): Hi! if you have read any of my replies you will know that i just hate exs!!!!! They have been the bain of my life! Yet i have always been (i know i am bragging) the perfect ex! There has to be some contact between them because of the kids. How long were they married? This can tell an awful lot. My bloke was married for 15 years and his ex thought she could call and talk over all her probs with him, er wrong!! I aint daft! I know what they can get up to!
Have a long chat with him and ask him to push her into the background. Say that you understand that they have to keep in contact because of the kids but there is no reason why he has to go rushing around there as soon as she calls.
Make it clear that you are not happy with the situation 100%. Why doesnt she get a bloke of her own, or a relative to do her little jobs. Boy i hate exs!!! Let him know how you feel. My bloke pushed his ex right into the background and she only phones about kids stuff. I was lucky because she moved with her husband 100 miles away, thank god!
take care and dont let her ruin what you have.
xx
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