A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:during a conversation with my boyfriend of 3 years last night, he said to me that if we stayed together and ended up breaking up when he was around 23/24 he'd regret ever being with me in the first place, because if it was never going to work then he'll have missed out on the years of his life where he could have been out living the student life, meeting new people and experiencing new things. now i cant help thinking that i'm holding him back on things he wants to do. we're very happy toether. weve had alot of ups and downs just like any other couple, but we love each other to bits and i cant imagine my life without him.i think we have a very mature view of the relationship. what started out as a bit of fun ended up as a serious relationship, so neither of us ever thought we'd last this long anyway (which were both happy about). We both have time with our friends, time alone, we dont feel the need to be stuck at the hip or have to put on a public show of affection, its nicer to keep that to ourselves. we're not one of those couples that claims were going to be together forever, we'll just stay together as long as were happy, whether thats 3 years or 30 years. its just got me thinking now, what if that did happen? would he resent me if we broke up in a few years time? should i end it now so he can have a life where he can look back and say he did all these things, or should i wait and see and risk him blaming me for things he's missing out on. he says it doesnt mean hewishes we wernt together but i cant help worrying!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont think he meant it to be insensitive, but thank you for the concern. im not trying to make excuses for him saying that, but i think he just meant that if it ends up that we're together through the years where we can act our age, go on adventures, travelling maybe, then it would have been me keeping him here, and then if it wasnt to work out then he could have had the chance if we'd realised earlier it wasnt going to work.i do want us to work, i dont want to lose him. im not saying we'll be together for the rest of our lives i just didnt know how to react when he said this. i'm sure hes enjoying the relationship righ now as much as i am, but will he still feel the same if in a few years we havent worked out and he regrets ever knowing me, blaming me for holding him back. id never hold him back on his dreams whatever they may be, but what if subconciously hes holding out because of me?
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Tell him if he's ready to go live the single life, there's the door and don't let it hit him in the ass. You're not holding him down and both of you are free to walk anytime it's not working out. If he wants to be single and free, there is another man around the corner ready to treat you well.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 October 2009):
Well to say that was really terribly insensitive to be honest. However, you need to ask him why he feels that he has to say that. Does he suddenly feel insecure? Does he feel that he's missing out? Talk to him about why he feels that way.
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