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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi,I am current registered on an online dating website and had a first email from a guy the same age as me within a couple hours of registering. We were emailing back and forth for seven days - we appeared to have a lot in common and were getting on well, or so I thought!In his last message to me, he ended by asking if I'd had a good day and asked what I was going to be doing the rest of the week. I replied to his email and told him a couple of things I would be doing (not everything). That was the last email I received from him and my reply was the last email exchanged between the two of us.I have not heard from him since. It will be seven days tomorrow since I last heard from him and on the seventh day you have the option to 'nudge' a person who hasn't replied to an email. I think I may have bored him by asking him what he was going to be doing over the next week in response to him asking me what I was going to be doing... I have also realised that, somehow, my replies to his messages were pretty much always sent exactly 24 hours after he would send me an email (give or take fifteen minutes) and am wondering if he has realised that and thought I was playing around with him - I wasn't deliberately 'timing' the sending of my emails to him though! I am trying to decide whether to send an email tomorrow, a casual one just to see if I get a response - he has not blocked me as he is still in my 'communicating' list and I can send him another message. The emails sent between us were quite long (several three line paragraphs in each one) and he seemed interested in what I was saying.He didn't appear to be playing games but I am worried that if I do email him again, he might block me (I guess that's the risk i've got to take) - do I send it at a time I wouldn't normally email him?Please can you help me decide what to do. I do honestly believe it was because I bored him by asking the same question back. I have started emailing other guys since he stopped emailing.Thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): He probably found others to talk, to. The online dating game is that - a game for many people on there. You can message back and forth but as soon as the other person sees someone more interesting or whatever - then they go to them...it's like being in a sweet shop...for some there is a lot of choice, and it is easy to move from one person to the next. I wouldn't e mail him as it is obvious he is now mailing someone else. On the odd occasion you may come across someone who sticks with messaging one person at a time and wanting to meet them. Sometimes you do have to invest in a bit of time with others until you know these things. It can be hurtful - but really do not take it personally, that's the nature of it all. I would rather meet with the person asap to gauge what they are like rather than spending hours online messaging back on forth.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 First of all, try to relax. The whole point of being on a dating site to is meet people. One has to assume that until they enter into a formal, exclusive arrangement, that is exactly what is going on. That is not the same as playing games.From what you've described you have done nothing wrong. There is no set time frame in which to respond to people. In fact many men will probably thank you for bothering to respond at all. Most of them have to initiate contact and often times their emails are ignored (women get so many of them and can't get back to everyone).People can be fickle and some will be easily offended. This does not automatically mean you did something wrong. Don't be so quick to assume blame, or offer explanations and apologies. It will be seen as a sign of weakness and/or inexperience and you'll be walked all over. I once had a man try to rake me over the coals for not responding to his email within 6 MINUTES of having received it (it wasn't a dating site, just social networking). There are all sorts out there. Don't try to be nice to everyone.And don't interpret the sudden lack of contact as being about you. It could be that he's busy, has the flu, his computer went on the fritz, or he may even have found someone else. After only one week of exchanging emails, you shouldn't have invested enough to actually be hurt by this. Disappointed perhaps, but that's about it.Send him another email asking him how he's been. Don't make reference to not having received a response to your last one. That would make you look as though you were sitting by your computer all this time waiting for it. And whatever you do, do NOT ask him if you offended him somehow. Assume you haven't. Then leave it at that. Do not send anymore until you get a response.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): I say seven days is a safe wait time. Just send a casual e-mail as you said. Say "I was thinking of you and hoping you had a good week" or something...
I don't see how he would be bored by the same question. I assume asking "what are you doing this week?" would be more of a lead up to planning to meet or something. It would also be natural conversation to respond with the same question after you gave your answer.
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