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*ennybird
writes:My long-distance-boyfriend is having a hard time. His parents recently disowned him, and he just had about 5,000 dollars stolen from his bank account. Our two year anniversary is coming up in July and everytime it hink about it my stomach kind of drops. I know it's wrong but i feel like I've wasted two years of my life. He tells me sometimes I'm the only thing that keeps him going... that kills me. It makes me feel like I'm trapped in this relationship that i don't know if i even want anymore. I know I'll always love him but it's not the same anymore. Should I dump him and completly rip his heart out.. or stay in it for longer and see what happens? :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007):
I don't know if he's personally responsible for what's happened to him. But I can say, if his parents have disowned him, he likely did some very hurtful, poor things. As a Mother myself, I know I would have to endure a hellish torture for a long time, before I would even fathom disowning one of my children. So relaize, parents don't often 'disown'their own children that easily. Parents do tolerate a lot from their kids. And some that can't take it anymore enact 'tough love'..they disown them so they can stay sane, themselves for the rest of the family. It's not easy. It really sounds like they are at the end of their tether. So, it's plain to see that he has done 'something' big here to get tha ttype of reaction from his parents. You are doing the right thing here...you are discriminating whether or not this fellow is good for you and your future. I think you are figuring it all out-he is not what you had hoped he'd be. So yes, you drop him..irregardless of his unhealthy emotional blackmail. If you don't, he will continually drag you into his BS and you'll end up hating him and hating yourself, for tolerating this. Recover from this and then get out there and seek a healthy relationship with someone who has more to offer, by way of maturity and responsible living. If you end this...then you end all contact with him. If he is needy as I suspect-he will keep trying to get in touch. You will need this space to heal from what you've been through. And quit shouldering his burden and guilt. Keep being smart and making concrete, rational, intelligent decisions about what is best for 'your' life. No more guilt, no more excuses for him. You have the power to make a healthy change in your life...I implore you to use that power. Good luck, dear.
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reader, Melanne  +, writes (31 March 2007):
 To me it sounds like you feel obliged to be with this guy out of some kind of duty. The fact that he is having a hard time, his parents recently disowned him, and he just had money stolen from his bank account. All add to the extra pressure you feel keeps you with him. If you split with him you would have this incredible guilt because you know he is going through a tough time. I have to ask the question, Do you know he is telling the truth? Could he not be telling you all this just so you will stay with him?He tells you that your the only thing that keeps him going and this sounds like emotional blackmail. Is it a good enough reason to be with someone just because you feel sorry for them? You say it's your two year anniversary in July and that everytime you think about it your stomach drops. Just because you have been together for two years is that a good enough reason to be with someone? You sound very doubtful about this relationship which already indicates that you don't really love your boyfriend. On the other hand you have the added stress of worrying about telling him because of what he is going through.I think you already know the answer and even though it will be hard telling him you need to do so as quickly as possible for both of your sakes. You can still be friends with each other if you want. You say you love him, but do you really love him or is it more of a love of the friendship and not wanting to lose this? I am not telling you to leave him that has to be your choice but, if it is causing you more pain being with him then I think it would be unfair to you and also to him.Hope this helps.
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reader, cd206 +, writes (31 March 2007):
 It sounds from your post like you're not sure whether you do want out or not. I think you have to be totally sure before you break up with him because otherwise you could realise you'd made a terrible mistake but by then you wouldve lost him forever. First step is to decide for certain what you want. Secondly if you're not happy in the relationship you're not doing him any favours by staying in it. The sooner he knows the truth, the better. Never feel guilt tripped into staying in a relationship. His happiness is his own responsibility, not yours. Even if you do break up you can still be there for him and help him through the rough times, just make sure you keep boundaries so you're not tempted just to get back to when things were easier.
CD
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): I don't think it is ever acceptable to dump a friend when there life has turned to crap, you have given him some of your time, but when he needs you, you want to bail.
If you no longer want to be his girlfriend than you could tell him that you want to be there for him, but then tell him you think it is time the two of you saw other people as you live so far apart and you don't want him to be lonely...you think it would be better for him to have someone close by that he can depend on, and then leave it at that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2007): It is not fair on you to stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in despite his circumstances. Dump him but be there for him as a mate. Find someone who you want to be in a relationship with.
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