A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 3yrs is going to NYC for 1yr (maybe 2) He is 25 and I will be 30 this year. At first I was supportive. That he applied to go and got through. Now he is leaving in 2dys and when I think of it I get angry.He expects it will be fine and he will wait for me etc. But is it selfish of him?To leave me firstly knowing my age and that I would prob want to settle in 2yrs etc? To leave me behind kmowing I cant get visas to live there and we cant afford flights often?Is this guy just selfish? Is it better to ditch him as clearly he isnt thinking about me? (Though he says otherwise!!) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 May 2014):
 Then again, you don't specify what he's travelling to New York for. If it's just for partying and just because he wants the experience, then I say you two may be in different places emotionally. I suppose a little more background info would be more helpful to fully access the situation.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 May 2014):
I've been in/am in your very same situation, and I perceive things quite differently. Maybe my perspective can give you a different spin on it all.
My girlfriend and I have been together for approaching the two year mark, and she had dreams of going to graduate school in Pennsylvania (many, many states away from me).
We discussed this many times. In the beginning, I viewed it like you do. I thought that if she loved me and wanted to be with me long term, she would stay local and we would live happily ever after. The thing is, after I stepped back and really thought about it, I realized that just because she's in a relationship with me does NOT mean that her previous dreams and passions are curbed. Contrary. If we love each other as much as we say we do, that means we support each other in whatever makes the other happy. And if she gave up going to her dream program because of me, how is that fair or healthy? I wouldn't be helping and supporting her growth as a person. I would be hindering it.
I support her in everything she does. It may not be easy to be apart, but in the big scheme of things, we realized that we saw our future together no matter what. Being apart for a year or two is nothing if we planned to spend our lives together forever. What's just one year? Or two at most? When you have decades.
We are still discussing it and nothing is final at the moment. Watching her go, if she does, will be incredibly sad and hard for me/us. But we have the rest of our lives for each other. And in a way, I think it's selfish to wish for your partner to throw his dreams and passions away because you don't want to separate for a while. You've been together for three years. You obviously love each other. So why not let him follow his dreams and support him and just think of this as a small lapse in time you will be apart, compared to the many potential years you have ahead.
Just my two cents. Good luck.
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