A
male
age
36-40,
*rown_maggot
writes:I'm about to pose this question which will probably leave most of your readers disgusted and repulsed but I need to share my sorrows with sympathetic listeners so I'll simply go ahead and do it anyway. I've recently developed a crush on this really attractive and sweet girl that I met on a study trip during the previous year. She's enrolled in the same uni as me and comes across as being a really sweet person. However, the idea of asking her out has never even crossed my mind since she's obviously way out of my league. To begin with, I'm a 24 year old male virgin with very poor social skills which means that I'm not exactly what you'd call a charmer. I suffer from a learning disability which has somewhat restricted my social development in certain areas, especially with regard to my ability to communicate effectively with members of the opposite sex. Although I’m a brilliant student, I have trouble relating to people and as a result was treated somewhat harshly by girls during high school. It also doesn’t help that I'm of Indian descent and that she's a white Aussie. The fact that I absolutely have no chance with her is so depressing that I've taken to smoking marijuana recently. It's one of the few things that makes me feel euphoric these days. I guess what I'm asking is, should I disgrace myself by asking her out or should I do the pragmatic thing and refrain from doing so? Thanks to whoever who actually bothered to read this.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 I guess it all depends from your personality and how well ( or badly ) you cope with rejection.
Instinctively, I would tell you : try . Why ? Because if you try you have ,say, a 10% or 20% percent chance of success ( random number, of course ). If you don't try, you have a 0% chance of success.
Nothing ventured nothing gained.
But what happens if you get rejected ? Would you be able to process the disappointment in a healthy ,normal way ? Would you dust yourself off and say " better luck next time, at least I gave it a try and I don't have to wonder what if " . ?
Or would you take it as a crushing,devastating blow to your self esteem and emotional well being ? would it reinforce feelings of self hatred , inadequacy ,unworthyness ?
In this case , better to work a bit on your self esteem first, perhaps under the guide of a professional specialist.
Btw, I bet you've heard it dozen of times, but it bears repetiton . I don't know what's your learning disability, but learning disabilities respond very well to specialized therapy and exercises, plus all in all aren't all that big deal that people suppose they are. If you are dyslexic or dysgraphic,for instance, chances are that your I.Q. is even higher than average and that you compensate in other areas for the skills you lack in one. There are many examples of learning - disabled people who became very successful , from Tom Cruise to President J.F. Kennedy, to T.A. Edison... some say Einstein too :)
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (11 September 2011):
If you can handle a possible rejection from her without becoming more self-destructive, then take the chance and ask her out.
But since there's no guarantees, the reality is that there is a chance she will reject you. If you know that you can't handle this without becoming even more self destructive than you are already - like needing to smoke more pot, becoming even more depressed and self-loathing than you already are - then do not ask her out now. This is called taking care of yourself. But that doesn't mean you should sit back and continue on as you have been either. You should do something to improve your situation and life. Work on building up your confidence and self-esteem in general. from your post it sounds like you have pretty low confidence and self esteem. you're putting yourself down if you consider it 'disgraceful' to even ask her out, or consider that writing your post will "disgust' people.
So my opinion is: whether you should ask her out right now depends on whether you honestly feel you can handle a possible rejection without becoming even more self-destructive than you already are. If you can handle it then take the chance. If you suspect you can't, then don't ask her out right now. Instead, work on building your confidence and self esteem first so that asking her out in the future (or any other girl you are interested in) won't be such a high-stakes issue and won't have such control over your mental and emotional well-being that you need to turn to unhealthy outlets to cope.
There are lots of good articles and books out there on building up confidence and self esteem, and learning to accept yourself and let go of shame and negative self-image. it can be a long and difficult road, but in the end you'll feel better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): Just try talking to her and getting to know her first, if you can have a nice conversation, try make her laugh, that would be a good start. You seem like you really like her so you may as well take a chance and see what happens. She may say no, but she just might say yes. build up slowly to asking her out, see if first she will give you her number, and invite her out for a drink or coffee or something like that.Don't think of people as 'out of your league', sure not everyone will want to go out with you, but there will be lots of people who will, so focus on the positive. I think it seems like you have low self esteem, forget what the people said to you back at highschool, its time to re-invent yourself into the person you want to be.you need to work on your confidence first! that probably seems like a cliche but confidence is crucial. So practice practice practice talking to girls at social events, flirt, ask them about themselves, about their study, think of it as a challenge, go to any events that you can. Good luck, I hope it goes well for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): Why not? The worst thing that can happen is that she says no. And you won't disgrace yourself. If she is so blind to not go out with a sweet guy who is crazy about her, then she doesnt deserve you.About this paragraph:I'm about to pose this question which will probably leave most of your readers disgusted and repulsed but I need to share my sorrows with sympathetic listeners so I'll simply go ahead and do it anyway.That worries me. You sound depressed and with low self esteem. The thing I love about this site is that no one judges you (unless your a cheater. That gets many negatives on this site). You have a normal problem and no one is going to ridicule you. High school girls are mean, don't let them affect your life. Also, get off the pot, bro. You don't want to diminish your brainpower because of a bad choice. You don't need to be smooth and charming to get a girl to like you. Alot of girls like the sweer shy guy. Lastly, don't think bad thoughts. If you smile long enough, you become happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): As an Indian girl I find it kind of insulting that you consider being Indian a drawback. Indian guys have game too! And if thats a factor in someone liking or not liking you you probably shouldnt be with them anyways. Anyways you need to identify the things about yourself that make you self-conscious. Is it your appearance? Do you need to build sone biceps or get a better hairstyle (just an example). Do whatever it takes to build confidence in your appearance. But I think that's only half of it. People are attracted to open, confident people and until you feel good about yourself from the inside you won't get girls. Don't sit around in your room smoking pot and feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there - practice talking to other girls and practice socializing. It's your life and you've got as much right to live it and enjoy it and ask out girls as anyone else on the planet. Wow that was kind of cheesy but you know what I mean.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 September 2011):
 There is nothing disgusting about your post. The only one who's lowering your chances with this girl is you. Just because you have a learning disability doesn't mean she's out of your league or that you don't have a chance with her. You've had this disability for quite some time now, so it's time to accept it and find the person who will accept it also. So don't let yourself miss out on an opportunity because of something you never had any control over. Ask her out on a date, or if you don't want to do that yet, then walk her to class or get her number. Don't sell yourself short. Take the opportunity.
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