A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and have never had a relationship before. My mom, friends, and even myself think that going through dates and relationships are just a natural part of life. I want to know what the buzz is. I do want to have all those experiences like going on nice walks and etc. It would be nice to have someone there for me. I want to live life.A few days ago, this fairly attractive guy tells me that he likes me and I jump on the chance to get to know him. After a few chats online, I can already tell we do not have a very strong mental connection. I know that love doesn't happen right away. I know that sometimes you need to get to know a person better before you judge.But I can't help feeling like I'm betraying an important part of myself if I do date someone I do not really like. It is a very strong sense of betrayal. Maybe I am afraid of growing up? It isn't that he's horrible...I just don't feel the urge that I expected myself to have. The urge to spend most of your days with this person, and talk to them for hours.I've been waiting for chemistry all my life, and I told myself I would wait until I'm wrinkled for the right person.Should I hang onto my romantic ideals? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (24 July 2009):
Yes you should! However, your parents may be on to something here as well...Dating (vs. a relationship) is about getting out there and testing the waters. It's like a buffett - there are many dishes and you're going to have tasted a few, but there's many to try. Some you'll like, and others... oh well...Dating is about getting experience in interacting with guys, and learning how to be in a relatinship - it's not supposed to be 0 to 100 right away... it's steps toward a goal - so, while your goal is a great realationship, if you like this person, go ahead and date - your NOT making any kind of a commitment, nor should you. Your commitment is "tonight, I'd like to spend time with you, and I'll focus on you for 2 or 3hours...".You not pledging months or years, or you body, mind and soul. Not to long ago, it was 100% normal that a woman of your age would be dating multiple guys (suitors) a week. Study dates, meals, movies (all "dates") were time along with a guy, who was interested in a relationship... after it was mutual they agreed to make it exclusive, and yes, sex was often included.So keep you're ideals, just realize that your at the start of what should be a multi year process, ENJOY it, your at the age where women come of age... several of my freinds blossomed in their college years - and WOW, they went form girls to women and had some AMAZING changes (FYI: The boys didn't... boys to older boys, who gained weight and lost hair!).
|
