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female
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anonymous
writes: I know this guy for a while and his fiance died last Novemeber, she was an acquaintance of mine also. It was a sad time all around as she was only 40.However, my dilemma now is that we have created a thing between us ( not too sure if its what I really want) and he has asked me out. Under ordinary circumstances I would go out and give it a try but I am afraid of upsetting a few people, namely the gang we all hang around with etc., Can somebody please advise me as to what is the best thing to do. Say no or just turn the page????? Josephine
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): I don't think its a problem, but I want you to realize that he will always grieve the death of his wife. He can move on and get on with his life...but he will always have a spot in him that grieves the loss of her. But I am sure he can carry on and be happy with someone new as well!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 I don't know of any specific timetable for getting over the loss of a loved one, so if he feels he's ready to date, then he's ready. As to what your friends think - as long as your relationship with him makes you both happy - then they should realistically be pleased for you.
Irish makes a good point about ensuring that he's through grieving, and I'd like to reiterate her point. It would be a good idea for both of you to have a serious talk about your friendship and the way you see your future, generally, so that each of you is confident of what you expect.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): Hi Josephine. If it's been a year since his fiance has passed...and he has asked you out-then he's worked through his grief, he has healed and is ready to move on with his life. I think it's wonderful that he has asked you out and I see no reason whatsoever, to worry about what your mutual friends will think. It's highly likely they cherish you both and will support you and him in your newfound happiness. And if they don't, then you have to question the sincerity of their friendship because frankly, it's no one's business what you and he choose to do. Before you date him though-make sure he is absolutely ready for a relationship. If he isn't, his grief could keep resurfacing throughout his life and it will interfere with the healthy emotional state of your relationship with him. When one pushes the pain of grief away and refuses to feel it, it will fester for years and can affect his entire future and any hope of a healthy, happy relationship with others. In all fairness to you, just talk to him and make sure he has recovered and is ready. I wish you both the best and be happy.
Hugs,
Irish
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