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*inkie87
writes: I am 17 years old I had my daughter when I was 16. The father of my daughter went away to America when he found out I was pregnant. He never came back to see me or my baby. When my daughter was 3 months old I met an old friend, the last time I seen him was when I turned him down to go out with the father of my child. We spent the night together just talking and he really opened up to me I seen a different of him. He walked me home and since then which was 9 months ago we have been seeing each other. We have a true passion for each other and we want to be together we have never been with any one else since we met. But he can’t commit to me in a relationship because of his parents and he can’t be around my daughter. He feels very uncomfortable, as it’s not his child. Should I be with some one like this? He makes me so happy but he cannot be around my baby. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): You have a child therefore everything you do effects and concerns your child..your child is the most important person in your life and every decision you make must be the best decision for your child as well..i dont feel this situation with this bloke is the best thing for you or your child.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 As a mature-sounding 17-year-old, you can take care of and protect yourself, which is to be expected and applauded.
However, your baby can't. You're all she has. In your life as her mother you're going to have to make sacrifices to protect her and ensure she can grow up feeling safe and happy and eventually become a productive and loving person.
One of the biggest sacrifices you'll find you have to make is choosing situations that are best for your little girl, even if sometimes that means giving up your own little pleasures. That means taking a Pass on people who don't have your child's best interests at heart. Even though this guy might be a good match for you if you were childless, you're not. He's not adult enough to find a place in his heart for your daughter, and if you ally yourself with him to please yourself, you may be putting your baby at risk.
Your boyfriend is being selfish, however you might want to dress up the situation. So, your baby's not his daughter... so what? She's still a helpless child and she needs people who love her unconditionally, whether they're related to her or not. Your boyfriend is not in that group of people, so you have to step back and let him go.
Please do be aware that the highest risk factor for abused and neglected children is in the care of their mothers' boyfriends, when the boyfriend is not the father. Of course, not all men are abusive to their stepchildren, but it's statistically significant the number of children shaken, hit and sexually abused by non-related men in the household. Please don't consider putting your daughter at risk, when your boyfriend has already told you he's not interested in being father to your child.
Explain to him that you have to protect your child and that she needs parents around to care for her. For that reason, you can't be in a relationship with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): Oh my, dear. This isn't the best of situations for you. I know you are only 17 but you have a 3 month old child, who should be your first and foremost priority in life and if he cannot accept or be around the child..he's simply not a good match for you. Hun, you are a very young Mother, but it's likely you've have done an incredible amount of maturing & soul-searching because of the tremendous responsibility you have undertaken. And for this reason, you need a man who loves the "both of you" the best situation is for you to be with a man who can unconditionally and fully accept your baby. This should take top priority in your way of thinking. If this guy is not mature enough to "accept and be around " your child, then the best thing he can do for himself, is spend his time and energy on developing his own character and personality, with the goal of becoming a mature person capable of sustaining a stable, loving relationship with you and your child. But that will take time & he's simply not there yet. And if he finds this an impossible task, for him to accept your child, then you need to seriously re-think this relationship. Your child's emotional well-being should be the most important thing in any relationship you undertake. Be wise and please..give this some thought and I wish you the best of luck, dear.
Hugs,
Irish
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