A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma about a friend (Girl A) of mine who is also a friend with another girl that I had a bad fall out with (Girl B).The thing is - I got hurt and betrayed badly by Girl B - so after the fallout I tried to disassociate myself from both her and her close friends to help me cope better. However I still kept in touch with this other mutual friend (Girl A) who knows us both, and even told me ages ago, that Girl B was awful for treating me like she did and tried to avoid her. She even told me she had blocked Girl B's number, so all was going well so far.Then the other day we were chatting and Girl B's name came up in the conversation to which Girl A replies "yeah I hear from her from time to time", despite her saying previously she had blocked her.Now it's not down to me to say who you can and can't be friends with, but now I am unsure how much I can trust Girl A and whether I should trust her at all. She is not normally a gossip, but at the same time her loyalties are obviously still with this other Girl B, despite all that's happened, which now makes me feel uncomfortable.Should I remain friends with this other girl or cut ties like I did with Girl B's other friends? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 May 2016):
I had two friends at uni who fell out with each other. Friend A told me I had to stop speaking to Friend B if I wanted to remain friends with her. I chose to keep talking to Friend B and Friend A has never spoken to me since, which frankly is fine by me. As far as I'm concerned, no true friend of mine would ever try to tell me who I can and can't be friends with. I have one rule now - if someone asks me to choose, they will be on the losing end.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2016):
 Are you a child, or an adult?
Children play these games of who they can and can't play with, and who is in what group and who isn't invited to the tree house....
Adults stay civilized. If you don't get along with someone, fine, then you don't have to spend time with them. But adults do NOT cut contact with others just because these others occasionally talk with someone who is deemed "not invited to the tree house".
Friend A hasn't done anything against you. And don't start trying to tell yourself, or me, or anyone else, that cutting contact with her because she still talks to girl B, isn't about controlling who gets to talk to whom. What do you think controlling is? Something else? THIS IS CONTROLLING. This is manipulative games, and it's clear and bright as day "You can't talk to girl B if you still want to talk to me, so you need to CHOOSE".
Should you cut ties with girl A because she still talks to B? Give me an adult reason why.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 May 2016):
 I agree with the two aunties here. You are still bitter over Friend B's previous actions. Friend A is NOT responsible for those. And if Friend A wants to occasionally still talk to B THAT is HER choice. It doesn't make a "bad" person or friend.
While Friend A agree that Friend B's treatment of you were shitty, she doesn't OWE you to cut of Friend B, or to never talk to her again.
My advice? STOP discussing ex-Friend B! If Friend A brings her up, just tell her that you don't want to talk about B any more, that you are over the drama and that friendship. If Friend A is smart and a good friend... she will take the hint and leave B out of your and Friend A's friendship.
Quite simple.
Let go of the drama. You really don't need it. Accept that ex-Friend B was a horrible friend, but that YOU are no longer friends. She is someone you used to know. You "cut" the negative dead-weight.
If there are things you don't want to EVER get back to Ex-Friend B, then don't share them with A. I'm sure there are plenty of other things you and Friend A can talk about and do.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 Girl A has done nothing wrong on you, neither has the friends off Girl B. The thing is when you disconnect innocent people from your life it just means that you will be the one that is left lonely and bitter. Girl A has done nothing wrong, maybe at one point she unblocked her, she didn't need to tell you, and she doesn't owe it to you to not be friends with Girl B. It sounds like you are being quite immature for your age. This is play ground stuff.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (20 May 2016):
I don't see why you should cut this friend off. Doesn't make any sense to me.
Sounds more like you need to just move on from the girl who caused you harm. You are still letting it poison you. Stop concerning yourself with her, at all. Stop talking about her. Move on with your life. Time for this issue to die.
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