A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereHappy Sunday everyone and thank you in advance for any forthcoming advice.This is a family matter and I am just not sure how to handle it.I am a little older, divorced, no kids and have lost both my parents.I have siblings who I am on fairly good terms with, not overly good but civil.The only relatives I have left are my moms brother, his wife and their family and their kids and grandkids.I have not seen my aunt and uncle in thirty years and my cousins even longer. My sister has visited them occasionally. I made arrangements some time back to visit them in a couple of weeks in another part of the country. My cousin seemed keen and she did email me sometime back to see if I had booked my ticket which I had. She invited me to stay with her. The odd thing is that I have sent emails in the last couple of weeks to both her and my aunt and uncle and nothing is coming back to me. I am rather hurt and confused. I thought they were away but noticed my cousin has responded to some of my sisters facebook posts so no.Both my sister and brother have visited and just dont know what is up. These are not the kind of people to say...we have changed our mind...might not be a good time so I am dangling in the wind here.My uncle was not great when mom was in the final stages of alzheimers not doing well with my mom when she visited and being too uncomfortable to see my mom in her last days.In looks, temperament and vocation I am the most like my mom....uncomfortable for him maybe.I wonder if I should just quietly cancel my flight but I will always wonder why this rejection when they made time for my siblings.I wondered if booking a hotel would take the pressure off as I could ease into seeing them. I wondered if my siblings said something.My question is....should I just cancel flight feigning illness. Should I address the issue. If I do it will only cause drama which will make me look a black sheep which I may already look like.Thank you in advance to anyone weighing in here.
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (14 August 2017):
 Hi there, I will give you my 2c worth, as you are not clear on how much real contact you have with your family and extended family I think you should keep your booking and get a room somewhere near them as your uncle and aunt are not young anymore and might not even be in the best of health, Your cousin may be putting off emailing you like one of these things we keep want to do next free moment we get just don't seem to get around to it, You can't judge by responding to something on Facebook as that is less formal and is done in a few seconds, not like a real response to an email,Some people are no good at keeping up contact, some are just no good at communicating with people full stop, I have a sister and brother that WE phone each other every few weeks and sometimes every week, and we often talk about our other brother that never has anything to say if we phoned him, we just call him the bird, I have moved a long distance from home and being through a lot, it is nice to be able to talk about these things to others and have brothers or sisters there for you, I have been away from home 20 years, went home only once and that was last year to Mothers funeral and did not know my own brother standing beside me, After the funeral was over and I had come back to where I live I tried to phone the Bird 3 times in a week and only got the call awning each time so left a message and gave up trying,As they say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick family, If your family are like the Bird don't kick your self in the behind for their lack of contact, I have no family member on my Facebook as I like to keep up a better contact with them and I don't mix Facebook and family, life is too short don't feel left out go home and catch up with everyone it will be worth it in the long run
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2017): Call, and just leave a message if no one answers. Email transmissions can get waylaid, or end-up in a spam folder. So make a follow-up call. They may have gotten busy and forgotten to check. We check our text messages far more than emails. Emails are usually exchanged at work.
Don't cancel. You're just getting cold-feet and looking for excuses to bailout. You're nervous and jumping to conclusions. If you're right, at least give them benefit of the doubt.
It's good for your mental-health and general well-being to feel connected to family. Petty disagreements and misunderstandings shouldn't keep full-grown adult relatives apart. You mend fences and rebuild bridges. If no one is on-board; then at least you know you gave it a try. If you give it a try, and all goes well; at least you'll see people you know and you'll feel connected. Even if it's not perfect; they're your kin.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (14 August 2017):
Ask your siblings if they know what is going on? If they have no answers the trip may not be worth it.
You don't say how much contact you have had with your kinsmen over the years. It sounds as if it has been minimal. My guess is that your cousin realized she had invited a virtual stranger to stay with her is having second thoughts and doesn't know how to tell you. Send her an email telling her you appreciate her generous offer but you don't want to impose so you'll stay at a hotel or B&B or something. Tell her you'd like to meet for lunch/dinner and try to re establish relations that way. Treat it as a mini vacation with minimal expectations.
Good luck
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