A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, I love him so much. The thought of him not being by my side just makes me feel so depressed. During out first 6-8 month, he was cheating on me with this guy, I saw plenty of emails. I don't know if they did anything sexually physical, I confronted him about it he said he would stop, and later I found out he was still talking to dude. It's been over two years now, he doesn't like to give me attention except if it involves him getting something or him just taking me out on a date, he doesn't like to express his love by hugging, kissing, etc. He only likes me to do all the work.We both live together, he has a part-time job his family loves me, and I have a career that I love. about a month ago, I was with one of my friends, and he kept giving me compliments, he called me beautiful (My boyfriend has never called me that or rarely calls me anything, unless I ask "Does this look ok?") I've never felt so aknowledged before, and my friend made me feel so confident and "sexy". On my second visit to his house, my friend kissed me on the neck as I gave him a hug goodbye. On the third visit, he told me how angry he is that I let myself get treated like shit by the man I love. We ended up making out, after this we have just been seeing eachother. I don't have any feelings that are that big like the ones I have for my boyfriend. To be honest, I am not even guilty about seeing this guy, we don't have sex, we usually talk, cuddle and kiss. I don't want to leave my boyfriend for the guy, I honestly love my boyfriend with all my heart, I just feel that this little adventure is helping me a lot. I finally feel alive, confident, and I have grown to love myself, the things the other guy says to me gives me so much empowerment of myself.Is it okay to continue on with my "affair"? What breaks my heart is that I've never done this to any of my past boyfriends, I've always been against it, I've preached my friends about not cheating, and truthfully cheating disgusted me and I had no reason why my boyfriend did that to me, now that I have a taste of what it is, I guess its an adventure!
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 your man broke the boundaries of your relationship first which means the trust was already gone and with that gone its not really a relationship, more just an idea and a feeling that doesn't tie too accurately to reality. this "affair guy" sounds like he really likes you and thinks something meaningful will come off it. its unfair to string him along if you have no feelings for him.
its up to you but as far as i can see loving someone who cheated on you and doesn't respect you is just bad. do you pay the majority of the bills (how far can his part time wage possibly go?). wake up and look into reality and see him and this situation for what it is as it has been described in your own words here on dear cupid.
the choice is yours. blue pill or the red pill ?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): You love your boyfriend with all your heart and you usually just talk kiss and cuddle this other guy and you don't feel guilty about it. Did any of you other responders catch that, its a hugh contradiction. If you truly loved your boyfriend you'd be hurt, upset, sorrowful about what's going on and you'd end it at once to go to ur bf and just express yourself knowing what you've done you'd try to console him. But there is no remorse here. And there is love either. You seem co dependant. Just don't want to be alone. As far as should u continue cheating.....I think u should be honest with ur boyfriend. Either tell him what ur doing or dump him. That behavior is only practice and cheating is not something u want to become good at because what goes around comes around. Be careful and best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): what your geting out of this cheating is someting you have been longing for in your relationship is some affection and someone showing they care for you mayb you should sit your bf dwn ta talk about how yu feel the way he treats you and that you would like more care and attention every once in a while
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 September 2011):
 You know it's not right to continue an affair.
Two wrongs never ever make a right.I think you need to crap or get off the pot.
Figure out what you want and then stick to it. Also, it owuld be a perfect way to talk over the "ground rules" of your relationship.
It's not an adventure, it's getting your ego stroked.
Also if your BF is not doing it for you, maybe you need to tell him what you really NEED from him. No one is a mind reader.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Hi,I know you love your boyfriend, but clearly something is missing in this relationship that force you to do something against your own morals. I think you should have a talk with your boyfriend and try to solve all the issues you have with him. You need to talk, otherwise this relationship will continue the way it's, and you are not happy. If you really love him, talk to him, and give him a chance to make this relationship work. About the affair? You should solve your current relationship, then decide if you want to continue or not? You know it's wrong, I know you don't have sex, but eventually will. I know your boyfriend had cheated on you before, I know you don't feel guilty about it, but it's not fair, or healthy. Hope you can find happiness, work things out, and make the right decision. Good luck
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