A
female
age
51-59,
*ella68
writes:I have recently got in touch with an old friend by e-mail. We used to be very close friends about 20 years ago and we have known each other since childhood. We had a few problems and we lost touch all that time. She rejected me once when i got in touch with her, but second time around she decided to keep in touch. When I write to her I explain what has been going on in my life since we lost touch, sent her pictures of my family, and try to get back into the relationship we used to have.Although polite she seems very distant. I have tried to discuss issues that made us part in the first place but she seems to ignore them(I am a great believer that good comunication it's the answer to a lot of the problems) Recently I've asked her about exchanging phone numbers, perhaps we can comunicate better over the phone, but she told me that she didn't have the need to get the frienship further and that she was happy enough comunicating via e-mail. That came as a bit of a shock, and I don't know whether I should continue the friendship.Thanks everyone Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): You think about it more that this matter deserved to be thought about. She isn't your friend, just someone that you used to know, that's all to it. It's pointless to keep writing e-mails, just a waist of time. Over the years I learned to move on w/people that act like that toward me. They do have their own reasons to be distant, I am not taking it personally, but I also choose not to be a part of it and get upset over it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Wow this is interesting because I was on the opposite side of a similar situation. I don't know if my feelings mirror your own but I had a close friend over 20-25 years ago that was a neighbor . We got along really well but eventually grew apart and towards the end of high school went literally our separate ways to different cities. She has attempted to get back with me as a friend a couple of times over the years. When we have gotten in touch I have enjoyed speaking with her and have done so on the phone and by email. But I notice that once communication opens or starts on a regular basis she begins to take on the role of 'big sister' which was what she seemed like when we were young, the person always giving advice as she was 2 years older. The thing is it doesn't fit...I'm not looking for advice and yet she can't seem to get over the need to give it lol. She has fond memories of me when we were young and I do as well but not as many or they aren't as significant for me as they are for her. I basically have had a lot of friends and experiences since then and while it is enjoyable reminiscing it is very clear to me that we grew up to be very different people and actually while on the surface it appears we have things in common (both successful career wise both have one child) we are completely interested in different things . So there isn't that much to say to her other than ... how are you , your family etc.,. She on the other hand when she has contacted me , has wanted to have me move to where she lives (twice!) call her everyday and is disappointed I'm not following her wishes. The last time we spoke I told her I like emails from her once in awhile but I'm not the sort of friend that will call anyone every night. I am a traveler and have worked overseas most of my adult life and am very uninterested in getting a suburban house next to her. I'm happy she is happy with her life but she can't seem to accept mine. The last time I didn't go along with her wishes she didn't reply for quite awhile but finally sent a note with her address and an invitation saying to come visit if I was ever in her city. I know she was disappointed but the fact is we are not the same young girls we were, we aren't playing sports together or laughing over boys I mean it is never going to be like that again. To me she is someone I was close to a long long time ago that I'm happy to see briefly . To her I'm her best friend ever. I went on to make many friends many closer than her that are not demanding and that I enjoy. I suspect in fact am certain she did not and thus she craves that closeness again with someone. But I think if she were honest with herself she would realize that her need to change me and put me in her life in a certain role is not how a friend feels about a friend. To me friends keep the distance that is comfortable for them and enjoy the differences in life choices they make. I am telling you this because I don't think you should end your friendship stay in contact . Who know's maybe in the future your interests and feelings will match again. But for now your friend seems happy to have you in her life but not in the way you seem to need. Don't write her off as a person just look for other friends that match what you are seeking and keep her as the old friend she is. When we don't share our daily lives it is difficult to feel as close as you did but that isn't a bad thing its just life. Best of Luck
...............................
|
