A
male
age
41-50,
*rokenman
writes: met a divorced girl just under 2 years ago with a 3 year old boy she been through a tough relationship with her ex im not rich or well off but i did offer her love and affection always and made lots of effort with her son..i took him to thomasland on his birthday even out shopping to by his mum a present my relationship with her was good also we spent mainly weekends when he was a his dads together at my place cuz she was a single mum living with her parents both being pakistani we couldn't move in till marriage.....for almost 2 years she told me how she would never get back with her ex how he never knew what real love was...in february i moved to a place 1 hour from my job but in a convent location for me to get the train and be relatively close to her say 6 miles...for the last 6 months she wud dump twice a month and then beg me to get back with her writing letters sending me flowers beg me to get back with her and stupidly i did.........4 weeks ago same thing she broke up with me begged me to take her back spent a week with me when her son and ex husband went to florida and the week lata phoned me and dumped me for good...it hurt but i was gonna be strong and get over it i tried to concentrate on weight training cooking going to the gym, on saturday night i called her phone and it was her ex husband she was back with him that really hurt me he called me a **** after all i did for his son too....i didn't sleep after that at 11am i went to the gym i knew she wud b there yea joined the same gym just so we had some time together we had a confrontation i spat in her face twice and left but i feel so hurt betrayed and tormented my life was all for her...now im all alone i dont know wat to do my parents live up north but i cant go home cuz i have to finish off my tenancy here...i feel so angry all the time i want her to hurt how she has me but i know wat goes around comes around but i feel so much pain....can anyone help i've lost my focus i cant go gym i cant eat i cant sleep i really dunno wat to do with my life right now
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): im at home with my parents i had a chat with my mum last night she does not know hte finer details apart from she has ended it with me i cannot tell her she had a kid etc i realise now that this girl was not good for me she probably wud have put me and my family through pain wen we have 2 kids together and she decides to divorce me she wouldnt have been a pain but this morning i still miss her i still wanna cry i keep lookin at my emails my phone hopin she will call me email tellin me she made a mistake...i know i need to move on but how can i get rid of this feelingmy head knows it wrong but my heart still yearns for her
A
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reader, brokenman +, writes (27 August 2009):
brokenman is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to thank everyone who has responded i appreciate all your time thoughts and words they are helping me. she sent me an email at 2pm today sayin she was sorry and she never intended to hurt me blah blah and it was never gonna work. she did it for all of us etc whatever makes her feel better i suppose.....im going to my parents for a week tonite need some support around me rather than being at home on my own cuz it only reminds me of her
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Friend,Just to let you know you are not alone in a heartache like this. I am suffering the same too. I perfectly understand how you feel. Well, its really nice to just let it all out on this site. Let all your anger out. As one of our aunts here said, keep writing here.I too am confused how I feel about my ex, don't know if it's love or hate. The one thing we have to do is to ACCEPT this reality that some people will hurt us no matter how good we are to them. It's how we deal with it that's important and also the lesson we have to learn. Next time, don't let this happen to you. Once you feel something is not right or if something foul has been done to you..a lie perhaps. Do take it seriously and protect yourself.Just remember, its not the end of the world. You were fine before you met her, you will be okay again without her. I read your letter and I really really feel sorry you feel this way. If i will make a letter to my ex, it would be the same letter you did. I am very angry too till now..after 4 months. Anger is still in me and still kills me today. I have not achieved my peace yet but I know that my best revenge would be to leave him and try to show him i could live without him. Do the same thing. I know its very hard but try your very best. You have no one but yourself.Do not allow yourself to be still grieving after months or a year. On my part its still hard but I am trying very hard to achieve that. To hell with people like them. Okay? Get up now and wipe your tears away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): HI, I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I want to tell you that the pain will go away. It sucks it is unfair but slowly you will get your appetite for food and life back. It seems like your girlfriend is really confused about what she wants and despite your being there for her she has been back and forth with you and with her ex. Basically it looks like she is the problem. It is easy to blame it on family obligations , cultural expectations etc but basically she hasn't made a decision and stuck with it. So I think you need to focus on you. You are alone yes, but that isn't all bad - just think no messy break up with her this weekend. You can eat, watch , do ,sleep whatever you want for how long as you want. Take baby steps going back to the gym, out to a movie with friends even giving advice to someone here that is having a problem. I don't know why she didn't appreciate you or why she has acted the way she has but I can see that living that sort of life would make any boyfriend crazy and there are less stressful happier relationships out there for you and now you are free to take up those opportunities rather than being bounced back and forth out of your own control as you have been . Best of Luck
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reader, brokenman +, writes (27 August 2009):
brokenman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionafter the gym fiasco i sent her this email You have turned me from the person with undying love for you into the the person who has undying hate for you. How could you this? Why did you do this to me? I see ur loyalties have changed over the past few weeks to the person who for almost for 2 years you disliked or thats what you made me believe , a person who you made me believe caused u so much pain in ur life... Nearly everyday of our 18 month relationship you shared with me how much of a wanka he was, how sly and conniving he was, how he has had never had your interest or your love or even you feelings at heart just his own selfish motiviations to get adam when he wanted however much he wanted. You even asked ME to pay for your divorce ...you cheeky slag...you asked me for support when he gave you tuff times....and i was always there for you will love 3 weeks ago when i texted you asking you to try one more time your response was ' i need to find myself' you know what i was ready to accept that and i did accept that i thought ok she doesnt want to hurt me or my family she wants to be on her own and learn who she is as a person but i had a inklying it was another of your well sold lies...so i decided to find out why not? usman for once just go and find out for yourself i said to myself and my feeling was right after all them things you said to me in 2 years aout how you would never go back, forget 2 years 1 month ago where i made you stay in my flat for the day, you changed your mind again that day and then you changed it back again you told me you knew he was never and never would be good to you, that he didn't care about you, you gave him the phone the other night and he said his favourite saying 'you cunt' and that sparked something in me called rage, it made me erupt with anger and hate...why do i feel that way? we are not together why would i feel that , when he tried to threaten he me he made me even more angry that after all we went through you knew it was me calling you that night and after all the things u told me and everything i emotionally felt for you you decided to involve him when you could have dealt with yourself but you decided to rub that salt deeper into the wounds you have given me and let me know for sure you were back with him leave me the fuk alone usman go back to coventry get on with your life cuz im getting on with mine...so why did i erupt? why so much anger? This whole 2 years of you talking and feeding me with you hate him, you will never get back with him because he will never be able to show you love, passion and affection he will never do right by you , you want to find allah and he will never be there to support you all of it was a lie that you sold to me very well because this is exactly what you did do.... For god how knows long you were emotionally cheating on me and that hurts to feel and know when you loved someone so much and you was willing to give up a life for them and build a new one with you and thats what i wanted to do, i didnt give you what you needed know in life and i realise and understand this but it doesnt mean i did not what to i was ready to saacrifice alot to be with you and had sacrificed a lot already thats what hurts the most...so now your back together as a family all playin happy families, going gym while he takes care of adam..no having rush at 6.30 to drop adam to nursery or rush from work to pick him, you have roger there now hes makin your life easy and thats exactly what you wanted in your life at this point in time right? hes able to offer you this and hes adam dad so adam is over the moon which in turn makes you feel even more content but this is life and real life as you made me experience it in a very tuff way how has this left me and theres really one word that sums it all up TORMENTED Main Entry: torment Synonyms: abuse, afflict, agonize, annoy, bait, bedevil, bone, bother, break, crucify, devil, distress, drive bananas, drive up the wall, excruciate, give a hard time, harass, harrow, harry, heckle, hound, hurt, irritate, mistreat, molest, nag, pain, persecute, pester, plague, play cat and mouse, provoke, punish, put through wringer, rack, rub salt in wound, smite, tease, torture, trouble, try, vex, worry, wring Notes: torment suggests persecution or the repeated inflicting of suffering or annoyance; torture adds the implication of causing unbearable pain or suffering After yesterdays fiasco i had to speak to someone professional yesterday to help me get through is on my own cuz i had made 2 steps forward in 2 weeks but yesterday put me 5 steps back and he concluded you have left me tormented and have tormented me for the last few months....originally i felt hurt or thought i felt hurt because since yesterday all i felt was anger when i found out that everything you told me and everything you had fed to me and made beleive was a lie i had so much rage thats why i did what i did at the gym...i knew you would be there so i decided to confront you cuz im not scared anymore of being hurt cuz right now i cant hurt anymore because im not hurting im traumitised by why you have done to me and what we have been through and it has come to this you asked for me 110% in this relationship you asked me to wait and i gave it to you all thats why i confronted you thats why i spat on your face and thats why i am ready for anyone you or roger send to hurt me cuz u cant hurt me anymore than you have i have so much hurt its now turned to anger and anger is something if someone tries to hurt me anymore they will feel in full blow like a rocket ready to go off but this is not hate this is the torment you have put me through...i took the phone so even if im angry i cant call you and take it out on you and i cant keep doing that it made sense nothing else it was best i take that phone. In the gym yesterday you asked me what i want back so i had a good deep think and this is what i want back £600 for your 2 birthdays£100 holiday to portugual im happy you feel your life is content right now adam is happy and your happy and your life is easier and you can start to enjoy life but remeber it came at cost a cost to a person with a big strong heart with love and a very sensitive person whos suffering all beacuse of RASHTA PARVEEN ALI i gave you everything from me from the core of my heart and the passion i had for you and all you did was lie to me and torment me and loving you from the bottom of my heart i let it continue cuz i always deep down felt we loved each other even if the situation was difficult but u never felt the way i did about u or u would not have punished me like this and caused me the unbearable pain and suffering that you are you left me with nothing but a big fuk u...... ………../´¯/)………,/¯../………/…/…./´¯/.’…/´¯¯•¸../’/…./…./…./¨¨/¯\(’(….´….´…..¯;/’…’).\……………..’…../.’\'…\……….._.•´…\…………..(….\………….
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Concentrate on your life, what you like doing, and what is going to take you far in life and leave her to make her own mistakes, (lets face it, if her getting back together with someone that doesn't truly love her isn't a mistake, then i don't know what is). If you let your life suffer because of her, your gonna be in an even more miserable place than you are now. Ok, i don't know much about faith and religion, but i'm guessing her doing what she's doing, and acting the way she is doesn't qualify her to be a respectable pakistani wife anyway, and i can't see her being someone that your parent's would be proud of! I know it's hard, coz i'm just trying to get my head around being taken for a complete c*nt by piece of rubbish, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
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