A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here is the deal. I was infatuated with my female performance teacher. 47years old, 1 child and a partner. I am 16 years old, graduating in 2 years. Since I have managed to tell her about my feelings for her we became friends. But that was one year ago. We are still friends though, in fact we are even closer now. We email and text each other, we talk for hours after class and we smile at each other just to make our days. She helps me to study harder and I support her schoolprojects. Although we are very distant and discreet in public and by twos, I still have a great affection for her, admiration and love. But sometimes it just fades away. I always knew it was a teenie crush but I have never ought to imagine it would become like this. I have already listed the good things about our relationship. Now come the bad things. I seem to feel uncomfortable around her. I am strangely quiet and shy and I always forget about things I wanted to discuss with her. I lie to her. Yes I do, I tend to make things more dramatically then they actually are just to have something to discuss about. I conclude that our relationship bases on made up problems to solve, therefore we would get closer. And I want to get closer. I want to hug her, hold her hands when she feels awful . But I can’t. We are always discreet, although she occaisionally shows how much she wants to hug me too. There are times when she is very busy and exhausted from work. She doesn't want to have conversations and emails then, which I understand. But these times can last months.It makes me angry and I am fed of being patient all the time. She is very cold and moody when she has problems in school and she does not tell me about that, so how should I know to comfort her ? And I wouldn’t want to because I got over her and I wanted to end this, because it might be the best for both of us. But she immediately comes back to me, tries to talk to me, until everything is fine again. And then it starts all over again, she ignores me, I am pissed, she comes back. My friends tell me that I am reading too much into it and she says the same which I apparently do. Now I am asking you : Am I too selfish ? Do I want her for my own? I want to comfort her, I want to smile for her, I want to change for her – but everything I get out is an unparticipated look I give her whenever she is near me and tries to make contact with me. But the most important thing is : the crush is over. The heartbeating is gone whenever I see her. Should I risk it and keep this relationship with its up and downs on ? Or should I end this and start living a predictable life of a stundent again ?
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male
reader, urdudekoolin  +, writes (4 February 2010):
Hummm I feel things r not good for you.
First of all it seems she tries to eep balance between you and her family/ responsibilities. Thats y introduced you to her daughter.
Bt at the same time if some one denies to chat (may b busy bt later she cld approach saying sorry). At times this happens because you might b approaching more often. Bt the feeling shld be some time reflected in her acts tooo.
Remember who ever have strong feeling they are reflected more than often. May b by SMS, calls, Chats etc.
I feel in your case when she jst feel tat its been long time then only she contact so to keep u alive. This means you are important for her bt not very critical.
I hope you got my point. So try to understand by others acts/words/tone of voice and come to conclusion at earliest that whether she is also desperate like you and take a decision.
Bt u need to come out of this mess vry soon. Else some time you will feel good and some time depressed ..................
Bets of luck dear
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate them.
you guys suggested 2 options I have been already thinking about.
I would have been gone long time ago if she woulnd't be so persistent. If I wouldn't be so persistent.
She confided me her feelings about school and life, introduced me to her daughter, gave me her number and told me we were soulmates. I have a privilege because she never gives out informaition so easily away. This of course makes me feel honored and understood.
But her messages are increasingly sobering.We don't see each other any more and she refuses to have a chat with me at times.I understand that she is a teacher and that there are borders but she is the one who makes them transparent !
She is the one who leads all this !
If I quit she will come back to me. She would want to talk to me to clarify this.
If I stay she will keep on beeing weird - I can't reach her right now, I can't ask her why she does this to me.
At times I don't give a damn thing about her. But when she turns up everything changes.
I think this is up to me. Am I strong enough to let her go, or even to make this right ?
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A
male
reader, urdudekoolin +, writes (30 January 2010):
Dear I feel it wont end up good for you. But at same time there will be bright days whenever she wld be replying to you promptly and be equally doing what ever you may think of.
But the most important thing is how long???? So for this reason the solution is
If you can keep up contact with her within limits and acknowledge her status (working/ engaged/ busy) you can continue.
But if you can not handle the desperation when you are alone or can't control the frustration abt why she dint answered, you shld quit and that too in smooth way out. With out hyping your reasons before her.
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A
female
reader, moonlight baby  +, writes (28 January 2010):
i think that that advice is abit harsh ! he cant help who hes fallen for ! because that just not something you can help ! but i think you should stay away bcos shes leading you in because your young and it probably makes her feel good for youu to have feelings for her ! soo i think that youu should just leave her bcos its unfair on yuu and your the one that will get hurt not her xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): Don't even entertain the idea of any kind of relationship beyond a light friendship.
She is a teacher. She is a wife. And she is a mother.
Any ONE of those things would be enough to mark her as off-limits. But all three, thats like a trifecta of GET-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF-THERE!
Flynn 24
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