A
female
age
36-40,
*nne1992
writes:I just recently became involved with my one of my best friends...who also happens to be bisexual (which he discovered 6 months ago). The last two months have been tumultuous because we would hookup and then I would find out he was also texting other guys, though at this point we were not exclusive. When I tried to end things with him several weeks ago because it was too difficult to hear about him and other guys, he was extremely upset and told me he would like to be exclusive (and didn't realize that I was ever interested in potentially being together). This past Saturday, we decided to be exclusive, but he does not want a relationship because he can't give me what I deserve. (We are both theater majors in a very tight-knit department and he is busy 24/7 with stage managing, so I know this is true). I explained to him that I still wanted to keep my options open and if someone came along who could offer me an official relationship, I would end things with him. I am having a very hard time with the following things: 1) We can't make public our relationship because the entire theater department thinks he is gay after his rendezvous with a boy last year, plus his ex-girlfiend (also a theater major) hates my guts. 2) My friends and family are not supportive of this because they think I am destined to get hurt, particularly because of the bisexuality aspect. 3) I am struggling to not hold it against him when we go days at a time without spending time together...I want to hold him to my expectations of a boyfriend, but I know I can't. I am so torn because we have a great time together and have excellent sexual chemistry, but I'm worried this "relationship-esque situation" is stressing me out more than it is making me happy. It has just been so long since I was involved with a guy and I have a terrible track record of finding men, so letting go of something that feels so right in the moment is unbelievably challenging. Thoughts?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Oh Lord, your problem is you're in theater. Me too, sister, and I know all to well the kind of drama that dating ensues.
Look, dating a bisexual guy shouldn't be a problem. His sexuality, at least should not be the problem. Any person of any sexuality should be able to commit to a relationship.
Why are you dating this guy? You want a serious relationship, which he can't give you, so you're pretty much dating him until a serious guy comes along? Are you hoping that he will turn around in that time and become the boyfriend you want him to be? Because that seems unlikely. If he's told you repeatedly that he can't give you commitment, he won't.
Most of your questions are easy. Don't worry about what the theater department thinks, don't worry about what his ex thinks of you, and don't let your parents tell you that his bisexuality will hurt you. HE will probably hurt you, not just his sexuality.
You can't hold him to boyfriend standards because he's not your boyfriend. And days without contact just makes this situation even crappier. I say just ditch him and hold out for the guy you're waiting for to come along. You deserve the commitment and love that you want... and this guy ain't giving it to you. The more time you spend with him and getting your hopes up, the more you'll get hurt in the end. I would break it off soon so you can let your heart heal and be open to others. Good luck, sweet!! - I mean, break a leg!
From one Theater girl to another...
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