A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my ex went out for 3 years, it was both our longest relationship and we lost it to each other, we broke up once for 4 months and a lot happened during that period, like we both had sex with different people during that time. We went back out but deep down i resented the fact that she had sex with another guy because she had feelings for me and I had sex with someone just a party no feelings attached. Okay, so we went out for another 3 months but we broke up because of so much fighting and deep down the reason I could never be happy with her was because she had sex with someone with feelings. We broke up again and I saw her 2 weeks later but she didn't seem emotional at all, we even kissed but she didnt seem 100% there (if you now what I mean). A week later, she messaged me telling me that she wants to take it slow and that I mean the world to her, I told her I needed time and I mailed her our momentums back to her. I got no response by her after that.After much realization and time, I realized that I "can" live without her and that It takes time to move on and heal because I've been through it before on our first break up, which I honestly believed that we will never go out again (with NC for 3 months). But this time I feel really broken, I learned to hide it perfectly like no one will ever expect that I'm heartbroken, but when I'm alone I can't get her out of mind because even though I "can" live without her and I don't need her, I want her in my life because I never felt this way ever for anyone, I still love her.My question is, I know the way to get your ex back is to do NC (and I know works because the first time we broke up she came back) but I can't do this anymore, It's been a month and half since I've seen her. And I'm too scared to call her because what if she moved on or she found someone else or doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I just don't know what to do. Do I call or do I wait?? please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): First time she went back to you.... so this time it is very likely that even if she does want you back, she isn't going to run to you. I'm not saying she does want you back, because she might not.Really the only thing you can do is call her and test the water. Don't call and be instantly "I miss you and want you in my life." Call and just say you wanted to see how she's been doing. Pay attention to tone of voice. After being with her for three years you should know her tones pretty well. If the conversation goes well, say you'd like to meet up for coffee or something. If not, then leave the ball in her court.Basically, start at the beginning all over again.
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