A
male
age
41-50,
*aralyzed
writes:I left my ex last January. She moved to be with me from another province 2 years ago. Things were not working, but I loved her very much. After months of still spending time with her bc she had no friends or family here, and her crying and begging, she went online and met another guy. She suddenly had no interest in me. I was planning on trying again but now she didn't want me. 3 or 4 months have passed and we have had virtually no contact until last week. I remembered my passport was still in her lockbox at the apartment and I have a trip planned for out of the country. I had to phone her, she answered and was friendly until she realized what I was calling for. I didn't make small talk, just politely asked for my passport. She denied having it at first and proceeded to tell me how busy she was and that she would be away all week etc. I am close with her landlady as I had lived in the apartment before my ex moved here. I know she wasn't that busy, and I know she wasn't away that week. My ex then phoned back and said she would look for it. she again attempted to talk about her plans and mentioned that she had been to Vegas (which I already knew). It took two days of texting for her to admit she had the passport. She then made it difficult for me to get it. She was too busy she said to bring it upstairs to the landlady. I thought this would be the easiest way to avoid seeing each other. She insisted I come and get the document myself. It killed me to have to see her. She was dressed casual but her makeup was flawless. Unusual she wanted to see me since she had avoided it many times before, and unusual her makeup was done after work. She always removed it when we lived together. She looked me up and down and didn't say a word. I took the passport and said thanks and left immediately. The original guy she met was a jerk, it lasted 3 weeks. She moved on to a much older guy of a diff race and culture who had money. He is the one that paid for her Vegas Trip. I have spoken with the landlady a few times. She believes that my ex is miserable and does not appear or act happy. Still has no friends and even rarely sees the new sugar daddy around anymore. I don't know why my ex refused to make the passport exchange easier, as it was pretty simple. I felt that she wanted me to see her, as she has lost a lot of weight, or she wanted to see me as it's been so long. I have missed her all summer but her decisions have been so odd. And it seems like she is lost. I wonder now more than ever if she would try with me again. I moved into a new home and it devastated her that she couldn't move in with me. I would like to try again bc I would do things differently, but I don't want to put myself out there so she can crush me again. Does my ex miss me? Did she want to see me and use the passport exchange as an opportunity?
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I agree with Eng Vice. She is trying to manipulate you into wanting her again, so that she can get an ego boost. She owes you an apology for the way she treated you. Take back your power from her. You deserve better.
A
male
reader, Eng_vice  +, writes (12 September 2013):
So, you are building up this story that she rejected you then went on to two totally inappropriate boyfriends and now she is miserable and using your passport problem as an opportunity to attract you back?
It will be YOU chasing HER up if you do contact her first - is she not manipulating the situation? I suggest you grow a pair of chestnuts, contact her and say she needs to cut the crap and admit she made a mistake before asking for your forgiveness. Any doubt or hesitation on her part is a sure sign she is a waste of your time.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Let her continue to be your "ex-"....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I think your ex wanted you to see her (not the same as her wanting to see you), she's lost weight and looks good and she knows it. She clearly knows she messed up with guy she left you for and no doubt knows that you're aware of that.
She's trying to salve her pride by saying "Look at me! I'm doing fine, I don't need you!" Most women would like their ex's to see that they're ok and have "got over them" it's a pride thing.
Then again, you could argue, that she might still have feelings for you but doesn't know how to approach you given that she dumped you for another guy.
She's certainly giving mixed messages so maybe she has unresolved issues about your relationship and break up.
You however are also giving mixed messages. You love her, can't stop thinking about her, don't want to see her, and don't care what she's doing yet you chat to her landlady gleaning little scraps of info about her life, where she is, what she's doing and who she's seeing.
You needed your passport and could have just asked the landlady to go get it for you and forward it to you couldn't you?
You wanted to see your ex as much as she wanted you to see her. The problem is you too have unresolved issues about your relationship and are still angry with her for what she did but love her at the same time.
You have to decide what you want. Do you want to try again with her or not?
If you do then you need to talk to her, so call her and ask her out for a coffee. You have to prepare yourself for a knockback though but if she's agreeable you must both address the past and confront it, not sweep it under the carpet.
If you don't want to get back with her then be sure you've left nothing else at her apartment and then leave her well alone. Then you need to move on.
I hope this helps AB x
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