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female
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anonymous
writes: another one of these coworker hook up stories...just kind of confused and wanted to express my thoughts. so basically last year a coworker and i wound up making out..after a night out with coworkers we went back to his place..i have been there before but it was in a group..not one on one..we made out, kissed..the kisses seemed soft etc. he played with my hair, we cuddled, he kissed my forehead at times. I did give him a ha*d job..my clothes stayed completely on which i was happy about..not even my sweater came off..maybe it seemed prudish? but i kind of felt in the back of my mind i would feel used if things went further..i was freaked out afterwards..he asked if we were cool the next day and i said yea and we let it go..sometimes i felt like we still liked each other a little or were attracted..like his eye contact would stay longer that i would with anyone else there..but maybe he does that with other girls as well. Basically everything is fine..i don't hold grudges and still sort of like him. Fast forward now a year later..it happened again. he called me late in the afternoon and asked if i wanted to come along and get drinks..i said sounds good..i felt like it was last minute to be asking so i didn't think it would be a huge turn out and it wasnt..basically me, him, and the other guy who works in the area who is kind of a player but still just a funny guy..he does flirt with me but i am not into him like that but we still joke around Within 10 minutes the guy i had made out with did ask am i still seeing that guy from all these years..i told him basically it's on and off for a long time now. Later on, the coworker had to go so it left just me and him..we finally spoke about what happened and he said he did feel bad b/c he wanted to talk to me a couple of times about it (bs maybe?).. and he asked was i freaked and i said yea a little..and he said about what..i said well i didn't want you to think i am sl*tty or to tell anyone..he said he hasn't said a word to anyone. He asked about the ex again..like what is it about him etc,..i said he's my first love so it's hard..he asked is that my only b/f..and i said my most serious b/f..he said if u dont wanna marry him now and he doesn't want to then you should probably move on. He mentioned he was seeing his ex again which i knew..he said there is love there but he just doesn't know..he said they dated for a year, broke up and now dating again..he said marriage wouldn't be for a few years so it's just too early to even talk about. He even said i am suprised u never hooked up with so and so (the other guy that was there) b/c he flirts with you all the time..and i said he he flirts with everyone..i said he tried once after we all went out and we all took that cab home..he tried to kiss me and i said no..i said i was out of it and so was he..maybe i shouldn't have told him that? Maybe he wants to make sure i am not doing this with anyone else? or just nosy? He also asked if i was single the first time we hooked up..i said basically on and off..i said if i am with someone, i am with them and don't do that stuff. basically we went back to his place..i did tell him before hand..can we hang out without the expectation of something happening? i didn't want to be a tease and wanted to give him a heads up so atleast we are on the same page. We did basically what we did last time..we kissed,made out, cuddled..he kissed my forehead a few times.. i gave him a h*nd job but he couldnt get off....also i wouldn't take off my sweater even b/c knew it would lead to other stuff..maybe it looks insecure or maybe smart? b/c i would feel bad afterwards..he could tell i wanted to do more but wasn't allowing it..maybe now i am considered, bad in bed, too innocent etc or * * * * ty? i don't want either of those labels. I know i would feel completely freaked if i slept with him b/c i am more of a relationship kind of girl. A The next morning.. he walked by and asked how i was doing and i said good, how are you? and he said great with a laughing smile on his face..later on he walked by and said this is going to be a long one with a smile on his face and i said yea and smiled back. Another thing that happened was--that guy who was with us actually asked what i was doing tonight because someone was bartending at a bar we went to awhile ago and i said i am tired and joked about the previous night etc. I think the other guy overheard this too b/c he was asked to go later and he said i am too tired as well. proabably about 30 minutes before work was officially over..the guy i made out with asked if i was busy with work and i said no and he said then you should go, get out of here. (he's higher up so can tell me to leave) Maybe he was being practical b/c it was a slow afternoon? Or maybe he wanted to make sure i wasn't gonna go with that guy? or maybe its neither and he wanted to go without me there..who knows..but for a second i am thinking maybe he wanted to make sure i wasn't gonna go and gave me an incentive not to? unless i am completely reading into things He walked by a few minutes later and said going home? and i said yea and he said have a good weekend without looking at me which i didn't like later on i walked by and said goodnight to everyone and he said casually goodnight. Is this plainly just a hook up thing with absolutely no crush or meaning involved at all? i guess in some way i wish he had some tiny crush on me or atleast cared about me in some way..kinda need that right now i guess...
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broke up, co-worker, crush, flirt, his ex, insecure, move on, player Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 The biggest thing is -- he's seeing his ex again. That means she's not out of the picture, and "seeing" and "ex" usually means sex.
Also, if you want to be known as a relatioship type of girl, why are you giving him hand jobs? Why not have a few dates where no body parts are getting touched like that? Doesn't matter if all of your clothes are on...hand jobs are unnecesarry.
Right now, if he's with his ex again, you are helping him cheat on her. Also, your relationship might be classified as "friends with benefits". That's messy when you're dealing with co-workers. I'd cut it off with him now, especially if he's still with his ex.
You say you're a relationship sort of girl? Hold off on the sex stuff until you're on the way to a relationship, and that doesn't mean noodling back to someone's apartment after a drunken late night. Those are usually called "one night stands". Get to know the next guy in the daylight and have some proper dates!
This handjob guy is a snake, and he isn't relationship material if he's cheating on his ex with you.
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