A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been single for three years (I am 37), following the break-up of a 9-year relationship. I live in a relatively rural area which means dating opportunities are few and far between. I have tried online dating but with no success (even though I have been casting my net much wider than my immediate area) and this is pretty much down to the fact I don't want kids. I have some single female friends who also are finding real life and online dating sucks in our area and at our age. All of them say I would have no problem getting a girlfriend if I was prepared to have kids - they have single friends they could introduce me to, but I don't see the point in starting something that inevitably can't go anywhere and one or other (if feelings developed) would get hurt.I am finding myself increasingly sexually frustrated however. Not necessarily the act per se but the closeness and intimacy and being with someone. I've been considering going to an escort in the hopes of getting myself through this drought, in the sense of it 'keeping me going' for a while but the idea of paying for sex isn't something I find readily agreeable. I see a lot of comments on here about "friends with benefits" and while I can sort of see the appeal, I also know that none of my female friends would go there!Thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 I get the impression you are a guy that prefers a real relationship. You mention you do not want kids. Does that mean you do not want to Father your own or you are against dating someone who might already have children?
It is good that you have cast a wider net, but have you considered that you might need a change of life altogether to allow more opportunity for a fulfilled life with an ideal partner? There are plenty of women that are childless by choice or chance! The more populated areas you live, the more chances you will find someone like that!
Since you want the intimacy and connection, you are not going to be happy with getting an escort. You would be paying for a purely physical service, not a connection. Escorts are people who expect sex with detachment to emotions.
Since you do not find the idea of paying for sex agreeable maybe you already have an answer this is not the best viable option for you.
Either go to a dating site that matches you for personality compatibility with someone who is childless and willing to relocate...or Maybe you need to relocate your nets entirely?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): Hmmm, your right not to lie about wanting children Good for you.Women who already have children may not want more. Or do you just not want any at all in your life...
As for the drought of potential women...have you tried a singles holiday, speed dating in nearest city, or even starting your own single something or other to fill the gap in your area..or just relocating.
As for escorts and paying....up to you isn't it. Its only brief and a very temporary fix. A FWB would be better but then it always seems to end up with one getting emotional and ends in tears...best to find one online rather than a real friend though.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (12 September 2011):
 You need to approach it a little differently and open a woman up to the whatever you want. Get them interested in the concept of whatever you want. Be flirtatious and a little edgy.You want intimacy? The last place you'll get it is from an escort, especially a female one. I know, because I do that stuff sometimes.Most female escorts are damaged, just like most male escorts, but because they continue to be the victims through adulthood, they are much less likely to be for intimacy. Most likely, if you do anything with them, they are going to hate you. I know, because I have met escorts that didn't tell me they were escorts. When they finally had to tell me, I asked them about it.Point being, if you are looking for intimacy, try a normal woman. If you want sex, flirt more. You can say anything flirtatious. If a woman jokingly gives you a hard time, say, "don't make me take my belt off!" Of course you are not going to beat a woman and clearly it is not something I condone. However, it has never failed with me. More women than not like that sort of stuff, to a small degree at least. It will appeal to them in a many ways ranging from, "this guy is a breath of fresh air, he has the courage to say something slightly non-traditional, etc." 55% of communication is body language. 38% is how you say it. 7% is what you say. Don't take this the wrong way, because this is how I used to be. I think you don't have a lot of confidence, maybe come across as meek and not confident in an attempt to show you are a nice guy, and you probably have the wrong idea of what to say. Last thing is, women know when you are full of crap. A woman does not want a man to play the part of anything. Don't say anything, just talk. A woman, barring certain circumstances is not interested in what you say starting off. They don't care about you being an astrophysicist, that you can give an in depth analysis on how the war strategies in Iraq and Afghanistan were flawed, or that you know how to build a car. They don't care that you are the nice guy or the chivalrous guy. They don't care that you treat women with respect and that you are a knight in shining armor. They want to be approached in a casual and relaxed atmosphere where you are you and she is herself. Appeal to her baser instincts and work your way up.
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