A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My cousin died of cancer two years ago. She was married with four adult children and a teenager. Recently at a family gathering, her husband expressed interest in dating me. We have no prior history as I have lived across the country and moved back to my hometown 6 months ago. I am unsure how my family will react or their children for that matter. Should I consider going out with him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Some may think that you are crossing boundaries here.I always believe in NOT keeping it in the family.Find out from his kids whether they may have a problem accepting you as a 'special' person in their fathers life.You both may be adults, but I think some sensitivity is required.Close family may feel betrayed???I know that some may say that it is your life, his wife is dead, and so forth, but I just believe because his wife was your cousin, you should weigh all the pros or cons.This man wants to date you - any long term plans??Tread carefully and with sensitivity. Show his kids you are not trying to replace their mother. Respect your cousins memory and respect 'her place' in that household.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 You are both adults.
Date him in secret to see where things go.
If the two of you merit getting serious to the point of long term commitment, then go public about it.
If you date and it does not work out, then keep it to yourselves.
It is no one's business.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (20 February 2011):
 "I am unsure how my family will react or their children for that matter. Should I consider going out with him?"
It has been my experience that some people will be happy for you and some people won't. Other people simply won't care. What is ultimately important is how the two of you feel. If you think you could be happy together I would pursue this opportunity.
"My cousin died of cancer two years ago." When the time is right, I would suggest having a frank and open discussion of the state of the marriage prior to diagnosis and during the illness. I wish you all the best.
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