A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last summer, I met a guy through a friend and although I knew he was moving to California, I proceeded seeing him for the three weeks he was here because we were both into each other. When he left for California, I was completely devastated. (I am in Florida in college).We ended up seeing each other two months later and then decided to try out a long distance relationship. We saw each other five times since then and overall our visits were fantastic.He was supposed to come visit me for the weekend, but the past week I had been stressed and overwhelmed with thinking about grad school. I have to apply soon and obviously going to grad school in FL would make things cheaper and I would be closer to my family which is important to me. I kept thinking about breaking up with him that week, but thought I was just in a phase and once he came to visit this weekend that it would fade away.I held these feelings in for a week and then ended up telling him a couple days before he was coming to visit me. I told him I wasn't sure what I wanted in my future and I didn't know if we could continue being in a long distance relationship for the next three years, considering that he stayed in California and that I stayed in Florida to finish school. He told me he thought I would move to California for grad school. That came as a shock to me because we had never talked about it. I told him I didn't think I could afford it and that it was so far away from home and I didn't know if I was ready to fly across the country for a relationship that MAY or MAY NOT work out. We had never been in the same state for more than a month. (I constantly thought the relationship might change completely if we were in the same area.) I didn't want to break up with him then at all. He ended up stating that it would be best if we break up because we couldn't see a precise date in our future of when we would be together. Consequently, he did not come and visit.Since then, I have been devastated. I regret my conversation that I had to him about what I was feeling. I wanted things to work and I wanted more than anything to live in the same place with him to grow together and confirm that he would be someone that I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with. I feel terrible - ending things on such a bad term (over the phone) and right when we were expecting to see each other. He wants to be friends and I think we will be able to do that considering we won't see each other.Did I do the right thing? Should I consider applying to schools out there in case there is a future in store for us? I just don't know what to do and haven't been able to focus on anything for the past week. I just need advice or help to what anyone else would do in this situation. We had been together for about a year and he was the first person that showed me genuine love for me.
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female
reader, Smellyellie  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I would say that it wouldn't hurt in applying for schools in calafornia also compare costs of what you would be able to afford and if you did move out there then how othen would you be able to return to Florida to see your family...
If you really want to be with him then you would want to make it work... Talk to him again and see if you can't patch it up as you seem perfect for each other. I have been told that what I write on here is what people want to here and not the truth but I am seriously writting what I think...
Overall at the begginning I think you were doing the right thing but when you thought about you thought your love is stronger and then it would work out and I would say that it wouldn't hurt to give it another try!! Good luck x
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