A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I discovered that one of my husbands much younger employees was sending him "I love you type" text messages. When I confronted him, he told me I misunderstood the context. He says the girl admitted to him that she was contemplating suicide and he was just being a supportive friend to her. She is constantly texting him with a "hello" on a sunday morning or trying to get a connection with him on her day off. I'm starting to feel like she is obsessed with him and it really bothers me. He thinks I am over reacting. I told him that she needs her own friends and can not rely on him, but he thinks I'm being selfish. Should I confront her and tell her to stop stalking my husband? She seems to be thinking of him all the time, especially when he is home with our family.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (31 January 2011):
I think your husband is either weak and naive, or he's hiding something.
if the girl really is suicidal and your husband knows this and he's her boss then it's his responsibility to send her to professional help. She needs to call a suicide hotline. If she needs to be hospitalized in a psychiatric ward for her own safety then that's what must happen.
seriously does he think that by simply entertaining her calls and texts he will "prevent" her from suicide if she's really serious about it? Is he a psychiatrist, does he think he can single handedly prevent her from suicide? that's pretty arrogant.
What's his plan then, to allow her to do whatever she wants as far as he's concerned? What if she wanted to take things further with him, would he let that because of her suicidal tendencies?
I don't think you should confront this girl, because it's not your job to do so it's his job. You shouldn't be having to do his work for him. Doing his work for him would only be a temporary solution and sets you up to keep having to keep doing it again in the future.
Let's say you confront this girl and tell her to leave him alone. What do you think will happen?
She will tell your husband that you confronted her, and he will get angry at you. He will probably tell her no no it's alright, don't worry about my wife, etc etc. Then she will go right back to contacting him anyway.
Why do you think that the mere act of confronting her and telling her to stop, will actually make her WANT to stop contacting him? Obviously your husband is on her side if he's telling you that you're overreacting and selfish. This is the real problem, which is his attitude to her, and not her per se. she's just the trigger for the problem, but he is the real problem. If you confronted her, it could backfire and actually solidify their alliance against you!! Or it may lead to them being more secretive about it and your husband lying to you - whereas at least now he's not lying about it..yet...
I think you should suggest to your husband that if he really is worried about her suicidal tendencies then the right thing to do is to get her to professional help.
And I think you need to somehow work this out with your husband. But I don't think you should confront the girl yourself because that will probably make it MORE difficult to work things out with your husband since it appears that he's on her side not yours. You need to somehow persuade him to be on your side, not force him by taking the action for him that he should be doing on his own.
The other alternative is that he's actually enjoying her attention and maybe even encouraging it....
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Could it be that she looks up to him as a father figure being that he is much older? Don't automatically think she wants him in bed, and if that was the case trust your husband to deal with this himself.
Im thinking that if she is feeling this low, perhaps she looks up to your husband as someone she can trust, or even as a father figure. It'd be easy for him to exploit her, yes, but nothing bad will happen as long as your husband understands what position he's in and what power he now yields over this young woman.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 My answer would depend on how younger is much younger. If she is early 20s and younger your husband needs to let somebody in authority at work know, just in case she is contemplating suicide.
If she is older, more mature, late 20s or 30s I would suggest you answer her texts, let her know you are the wife, your husband is busy with his family responsibilities and if she is contemplating suicide as your husband has indicated she should call such and such a number. Find the best number for your state for Samaratians or a similar organisation. If that doesn't work your husband needs to block her number, and if he isnt keen on that you need to consider what his motives might be.
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