A
female
age
30-35,
*iss Petite
writes:HiDescriptions of me(so you can answer more effectively):I'm 18 and 144cm tall chinese. im loud, cheerful, lazy, happy-go-lucky and a gamer. Just started studying A levels in T college. Had 1 bf before J. Lives in a conservative environment (we do not engage in sexual activities until we are married or at least 21 years old and we only start dating when we are at least 15 years old.)Person involved in this problem:J is a cute baby faced(my type) guy. He has not dated and has very vague ideas on how to date anyone. He is also very shy. A classmate of mine in high school.Problem:I love J and 10 months ago, he said he loves me too. So he asked me out and we went to prom night as a couple. However after that, he gradually stop communicating with me. Eventually he stop smsing, phone calls, and talking to me. Thinking nothing, i initiated calls and smses but he took very long to reply and his replies are very short and simple. After a while repeating this cycle, i became impatient and annoyed(my ego was hurt as well). So, i, too, stop to sms or call him. My best friends(who are his friends too) talked to him about this, but he didnt seem to change. 4 months have passed without any communication between us. We busied ourselves with public examinations and preparations for college. During this period, i've announced to my friends(and myself) that this relationship is over eventho my friend told me that when he asked J about me, J says he needs more time before he can make his moves(to me). As a friend and the main organizer for outings among friends, i have invited him out to go for group outings but he always declined me like he is avoiding me.However, 3 weeks ago, i bumped into him at my college (we go to the same college) after 6 months not talking to each other. I talk to him like i would to an old friend(like "ah, long time no see" and "how have you been doing?") Now, i cant get him off my head. Have been thinking of him and missing him. I realize that i still love him and have been hanging to a little piece of hope that he will come and talk to me.Questions: What should i do now?Go and confront him or be still and wait for his moves?please help, i need answers to close off this subject. i dont want this to interfere with my studies. thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I know it's hard, but try to be easy on yourself and not give yourself a hard time for not asking him why when you were alone with him.It might not have been the right time. I mean, you were clearly feeling upset and fragile at that time, so to have confronted him might have made you feel worse. Or it could have gone wrong, what with emotions running high.Just give yourself a break and be nice to yourself. This is an upsetting situation for you, so don't let it get to you even more.Good luck and take care. x
A
female
reader, Miss Petite +, writes (21 April 2009):
Miss Petite is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all your kind advices.It turns out that this isn't really interfering with my studies. I want to avoid thinking of this so much that i study to block all these out. However, this isn't what i want. I want a closure on this topic. This had been dragging on for far too long.Update on what had happen this past week:Our common friend had organized a karaoke outing. My friends were still teasing me about J. They think i should wait for him and stuffs. Surprisingly, J turned up in this outing (he had a reputation of skipping these outings). When we were having lunch, they turned to tease him about him being popular with girls. Ouch, that hurt. A lot. Because during high school, the only girls who he talks to are me and my bestie. (Yes, he might change with conditions but it still hurts) I put it up with a smile and join along with the teasing, so i wouldn't be out of place. (pretending like this is easy, but painful)After 2 hours of singing, i went to the toilet alone to let out my emotions for a while. Went back into the karaoke booth, he was the only one there. Others had left to collect drinks. So i actually had a chance to ask him why. However, i chickened out. (still beating myself up because of this)*sigh* What was i afraid of? I have no idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Hello.It sounds to me like this guy is either not interested in a relationship, or he is just unsure at the moment and needs time to decide what he wants. However, this must be frustrating for you.I can understand why you are feeling confused, because you haven't had a real answer from him about what happened, and why he just went all distant. I think that if you do talk to him about this, just be honest, tell him you like him, and ask him how he feels, and whether he is still interested in a relationship with you.If you don't ask him about this, you will stay confused. He might just need time to think about what he wants. Or he might not want a relationship. But if he doesn't give you a clear answer, then I would just assume that he is not interested, and try and move on. It's not fair on you to wait around for this guy and stay confused.Good luck, I hope this has helped a bit.x
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