A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I tell someone how hurtful and what a bitch she was a few years ago? I ran into a girl I went to school with but haven't seen in about six years since we graduated. We were happy and friendly and discussed what we have been doing. All the while in the back of my head I was remembering the day when she told me that her and a few others - my apparent friends - didnt want to know me anymore because we had nothing in common or something - seemed like a fake reason then and still does. Anyway, I feel annoyed now or something that I didn't actually mention this in the 'chat' we had. I mean, she didnt ask for any of my details so clearly she STILL doesnt give a damn about being my friend, even online or whatever (I didnt ask either obviously), but why talk to me then?! Why bother?! I talked to her because she approached me. I was just going to nod hello to be polite.So... now I'm torn... I'd love to contact her and say how I feel and/or that seeing her really made me wonder why she said what she said - is there something I missed all them years ago? I know it would be a big move for me, in that I never really discuss when I'm hurt and because I'd hate that I would be showing my vunerable side doing this, but perhaps I'd learn something really insightful that would stop me from wondering why it happened, or teach me how to not make the same mistakes in the future. (Id do this if I was terminal or something - as odd as that sounds but you hear of people doing the things they always wanted to do but werent brave enough to do when healthy) So, I think doing this could potentially go two ways - really badly obviously, or it could give me the answer Ive been needing for years. This goes a little deeper, this happened to me a few times over the years in school and I never really knew why. I know some things, like I was very outgoing and never too reliant on having close friendships in school, because I had outside friends to see at weekends..but maybe I am really missing a piece of the puzzle?Yes, I could get over this I guess and realise school was school etc, but every so often like when I see old school people it hits me like a train. I have lovely life-long friends from college and jobs etc, but I have no friends from my school years. Isnt that really odd? I know I should move on and focus on my actual friends, but I've never had an answer as to why these girls all dropped me?!What should I do? Thanks so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): If finding out what went wrong at school is something on your 'bucket list'. Then it is very important you find answers and can have closure. What they did was horrible and bullying in a way. So if i were you i would wait until i saw her again rather than seek her out online....that might look a bit stalkerish! Either look out for school reunions or wait until you bump into her again in the street, then just ask casually if she can remember why you stopped hanging out at school together.
Ive a feeling it was a silly moment she had a with a few others and she might not even remember much about it now. Kids can do some cruel things for no real reason other than a moment of idle malice, which they quickly forget. Unfortunately these acts are not always as easy to forget for the recipients. So don't be surprised if she looks a little baffled and doesn't really have an answer for you!
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