A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok im a 20 year old female and im married and today me and my husband were talkin about how many sex partners weve had over the years and what not, and i told him that ive been with 12 men but that was a lie. you see me and him starting dating when i was 16 and we stopped talkin right before i turned 18 for about a year and a half and i went through this crazy stage where i got into drugs and drinking really really bad, and ive kinda been with 31 men over the years not 12 and he thinks that he was number 7 but he was more like number 12. you see i know it may not be an excuse but i was molested as a child for 3 years and raped as a teenager and i think that that may have something to do with it but im not sure. but anyhow my question is how important is it that your partner know the truth about this subject? i mean i was carefull i used protection almost everytime and its not like i have any diseases or anything and most of them were people i knew but there are some that i cant even remeber there names and i just im scared to tell him because i dont want his mind frame of me to change. i dont want him to look or think about me any differently but im not sure if not tellin him the truth is the right thing. im just not sure he'll understand. and if i do tell him then he'll be like why did u lie and how would i even go about tellin the man that i love the truth that back in the day i was fast. how important is it that he knows and should i tell him even at all or should i just keep it a secret, i mean no body knows the truth but me i kept my sex life real secretive from even my very best friend. what should i do? thank you so much in advance for you input!
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best friend, drugs, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): DO NOT TELL HIM unless you are willing to deal with the aftermath. And most likely it will be bad, my wife had done a similar thing to me although her number was quite a bit higher than yours. All it has done for us is create a mood of distrust on my part towards her.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 well if he asked u you maybe u should not pretend u were virgin when u married but to get into details which have hurt u enough by now ans which could undermine your relationship is not a very good idea from my point of view but It's up to u if you feel obliged to talk about it and u think is necessary then do it but if not just forget about it and enjoy, life is short
good luck
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 Tough situation. If you think you can spend the rest of your life not telling him then don't. You are right that he could take it very badly. He probably will to start with. He may even leave you. A lot depends on how much he loves you, and how secure he is of his own sexuality.
But that's not an easy thing to do, to keep it quiet forever. What you shouldn't do is sit on this for five years and then tell him. That will only make your lie bigger. If you know that you're going to tell him at some point in your life, then I suggest doing it sooner rather than later. Why? Because it shows you wanted to end the lie as soon as possible, plus if he can't take it and does end your relationship, it gives you both more time to find someone else.
Personally I believe a great relationship requires total honesty and intimacy. That's just me though: and it's a hard road to follow but worth it (I think) if you can do it.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 You can keep the number of partners you've had secret. I was abused from when I was 9 years old until I was 16 and I went completely off the rails from the age of about 13 until I was around 18. Drugs, Alcohol and sex. That's what I thought life consisted of because that's what I had been shown.
I told my partner my number of people I'd slept with and he was a little shocked at first but came round to me being so "experienced" he called he. I think he was more jealous that he hadn't slept about a bit more. If you trust your guy in the sense that you know he will support you if you tell him then go ahead but be sure first as it could mess up what you guys have!
Good Luck!
xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): Don't tell him. You've had a tough life, the circumstances were decisive but it's time to move on. It's good to be honest, but this is very likely to influence negatively your relationship with your husband. Even if he says he understands you in the beginning, it'll be a burden, he may feel distrust and it can amplify in time.
You can tell us if you feel the need to confess. It would be a pity to shadow your relationship now that you've settled down.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (24 June 2007):
 What he does not know won't hurt him, if you kept your past secret and there is no way of him finding out then leave it in the past and just move on with your relationship.
Take care.xx.
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