A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, i have been with my boyfriend for four years....ive always done little things that he wouldnt have liked in the past but i didnt think of them as a big deal....this past month i cheated on him....it wasnt really big, i hugged a guy intimately but i thought of it as a big deal because it is not something i would do infront of him, and it would be a big deal with him especially that i was drunk and it was dark. after that i felt really guilty and it reminded me of all the past little things that i did and now im feeling extra guilty and i realised that all those things were wrong especially that he is a loyal boyfriend.....right now i am being the most loyal gf that you can ever imagine and i havnt done anything since then, which is what is supposed to happen...i realised that he deserves a good gf and that if i wanted to do all those stupid things then i should break up with him. i told him about the intimate hug while being drunk....but i didnt tell him about all the other small little things that he wouldnt have liked....i think he thinks that what i told him is all i did....and i feel like that he deserves to know which lets me know know if i deserve to be his gf after all that.....i did change and i am going to be a loyal gf from now on for sure....i dont want to feel guilty again more than i am feeling now....do you think i should keep the past behind me and keep on going with my relationship by being a perfect gf and the fg he would want....or should i tell him everyhting that happned in the past and see if i still deserve to be with him? i love him soo. i feel like if i dont tell him everything then im lieing but my friends tell me that it would be okay not to tell him if i just change but if i dont change then he deserves to know. im so confused help.
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Hi three, u are in a very tricky situation to be quite honest with you I made a mistake of entertaining a guys advances on me, he said he wanted to kiss me and I played around with the thought, even though I didn’t cheat I also knew how terribly wrong that was and guilt consumed me, after a while he started picking up on it and to make a long story short he found out about the whole thing, and here I am today, with a 6 year relationship ruined, it hurts so bad, he told me that what I did has not hurt him as much as lying to him has and now I don’t know how to fix it, he’s constantly asking me what else I lied about, even though I haven’t, but once that trust is broken, he will question everything you have ever said to him or anything you have ever done, and that trust wont be easy to win back I can guarantee you that, So angel to if you want to save this relationship tell him what you did and how guilty you felt about it, he might be upset, but at least your side will be clean, somehow the trust always comes out and when it does it will hurt you so much more, so step up be honest and win your man back a silly lie is not worth losing the man you care for and love Good luck dear and keep us updated
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (9 February 2009):
 Although I am not condoning what you say you did and had it gone farther I would say you need to come clean by telling him and then suffer the consequences. At this point if you are really intent on "being good" my recommendation is to keep it to yourself and chalk it up to experience. However, you need to realize that even though you intend to keep from that sort of thing again, since you have been there before it may be easier than you think to fall back into that trap. So always stay on guard and never let your guard down. If you decide to start drinking especially because as you know alcohol will distort reasonable thinking and well, you get the idea.
Doc
...............................
A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (9 February 2009):
Well here are my thoughts, what exactly are those little things? If you are just talking to a male friend, or if you are just giving a friend a hug you are doing nothing wrong. If you are being intimate with them, like kissing them or having any kind of sex at all you should be honest with him. If he can still trust you after doing anything more than having a casual conversation he is a good man. If he can not handle you having conversations with another man he is insecure. If you have just hugged somebody or talked to them you should tell him too but he should not be mad about it. Also, fondling is not acceptable behavior either when you are in a commited relationship. You should let him know what is going on lying is never good for anybody all it does is cause more problems than anyone should have to deal with. If you keep yourself out of situations that could cause problems there will be no reason to lie. If you find yourself in a small situation that excalated get yourself out of it. There is no reason why anybody should be lied to. I lied to too many people for far too long about a relationship I was in and more than one person got hurt. You will learn from your mistakes and make yourself a brighter future. You must be honest with yourself and with your partner.
...............................
|
