A
female
age
36-40,
*eezy41
writes:I met with this guy at work and we started to date almost for a month and i have not slept with him until last week. We both work at the airlines so taking advantage of free flight benefits his vacation started and after we slept, he asked me out of nowhere after a month, if i wanna be in a relationship. I said yes. On that day, he went to Vegas with his friends and told me only guys. I am like have fun babe. Then i learned from my friend that another girls from the same airlines is going too. I asked him if it is true.he said yes. It kinda made me feel disrespected. Because if we just said we are in a relationship, he should have told me. He texted me yesterday but not that often since he is in Vegas, i do not wanna create problems because i am extremely upset. I did not answer him at all.i guess i can not ask him why he did not invite me because we just started to have a "relationship"I and him are going away next Wednesday. He told me he will be back on Monday but i am extremely upset his behaviors and that he barely texts me in LasVegas. I do not want him to take me as a granted because i really liked him. I am white and he is black btw.Should I cancel the trip or what do i need to do? You just named it as a relationship and in order to build a trust, is that how it is supposed to be to find out from your friends that the girls are going to Vegas as well?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 June 2015):
 He is very passive in this relationship and as it goes on you may see why that is. He may have emotional issues. He is not fighting for the relationship and expects you to drop him any time. Some men ask to be in a relationship not because they want to be in one, but because this is expected conversation and they just want confirmation that you want one.
A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (3 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys,
Actually he did not come to work yesterday either. I heard that he is sick really. He texted me last night and asked me if I do hate him. I said hate is kind of strong word and what he has in his mind. He told me i do not talk that much and asked me if because of he is sick and I said yes and also told him that i texted him for 2 days and he did not even ask me how I am. He apologized and told me he is on benandryol and being receptive.
Today, we barely texted. I was asking to see if he will come into work. He does not even say yes/no. He told he wants to.
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (2 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Janniepeg,
He texted me today more often to see what i am doing and how is my day going.
It was cool and i answered him back.
We are working in the same airlines but different terminals. We used to see each other before I leave at least 5 min to say hi. First time, he has not hit me up to ask where i am and to see me.
But i am like eh it is what it is
I am trying to understand if he really likes me. I have not seen him for almost 3 days. When i compare this before the trip, that is too long. Because before the trip, we used to see each other every day. He used to text me and came to the terminal i was working at lea9st 5min. But now no
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 June 2015):
Yes you should remain contact with him until one of you breaks up with the other. You can express to him that maybe you two have different ideas of what a relationship is. You want him to communicate more. If he doesn't, then you have to decide if you can deal with the uncertainty all the time.
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (1 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJanniepeg, i honestly do not know how to act. If he texts me, should I answer him or completely ignore him?
I am still thinking what makes him to change his feelings.
While he was telling me, he likes me a lot, now he is acting weird???
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 June 2015):
It sounds like his friends, and sex come before your feelings. It sounds like it's one excuse after another. I don't blame you for not wanting to give him another chance. If he feels good enough to have sex and to text his friends, he should have the energy to connect with you. I understand you would feel like his assistant on the trip. I would really want to ask him what kind of relationship is he talking about.
I guess everything can be explained away such as, this is his personality and he is not expressive but when you are dating someone new you make best effort. He's barely making any so if you lose interest that would be natural. If you are not ready to break it off now then wait until he recovers from the cold then see if he's still the same, not texting. I bet that's just how he is. I would also see if a relationship could happen only when you go on trips because that's not practical for long term. If you can't even enjoy trips with him then there's nothing in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (1 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello All, So i went on a trip with him.1st day:: we really had a good time with him except he was on his phone too much while he was in the resort because he did not have a wifi. So we went to a lounge and he wanted to leave at 3am and i said its fine. As soon as we went to the room, i was expecting him to cuddle with me in the bed but he went to the coach and started text to his friends. I brought it up saying i wanted to stay more in the lounge just because of you are tired, we left and now you are texting? He apologized and told me he had to answer his friends.2nd day::: at night he got sick so i brought him soup and pills and he even had a fever so i could not sleep till 3am and put the cold towels on his head. He appreciated it.The day we coming back::: he was feeling better except his throat sore. So he asked me to stay in his house. So i slept and we had sex w/o condoms. He pulled out. Next day::: we went to the store to buy cough drop for him and he told me he is nervous because if he precum inside me and i said that i will buy pill and next time even though latex condoms irritates, i will do it with condom. He was upset cause he wanted me to enjoy as well. In the car, i was kissing him and all of a sudden, he said he feels disgusted. I am like you ok? He was like his throat hurts. I kinda get offended and asked him his throat was hurting the day before as well and we even had sex. I do not remember his answer.His actions changed and i do understand he is sick but he does not even text me. I am the one asked him how he was feeling yesterday. And also today in the morning i texted him to see how he feels.I took care of him and look at his actions. His actions changed. Maybe, he does not like me anymore or i valued him too much.I do not know what to do.Any opinions appreciated
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (24 May 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Janniepeg, yea it caught me by suprise because i wasn't expecting him to ask me. Because we do not really text each other but most of the time we spend time together. I guess, i assumed because of his friends he is hanging out. They all wanna sleep with girls. I really do not wanna bothet him on his trip in Vegas.hr trxted me today and asked me why i ignored his messages. I said that i have been busy but cant wait to see him. Unless he does not cancel the trip, i will go with him. Otherwise, it will look bad and i really would like to know him better.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 May 2015):
For now you are not sure if he lied about girls being there, or he really didn't know that girls would be there, until the last minute. Or if he lied because he didn't want you to be worried, or he lied because he was deceitful.
You waited a month before having sex with him. That means you are serious too, so when you said out of nowhere he asked if you wanted a relationship. What was surprising about it? What made you think it was out of character to ask you this?
It seems like you don't know each other well and you don't trust him. There are many kinds of activities in Las Vegas. Just because girls are on the trip too doesn't mean there's some orgy party going on. I guess it could be that he's not the texting type when on the trip, or he needs to be explained that why you would worry if you don't keep in touch. Especially Las Vegas has the notorious reputation where people do things there and what happens there stays there.
A guy who wants to play the field, experience wild sex would not ask to be in a relationship. He asked to give you peace of mind, so that you would not get extremely upset like you are now. Also when he's away he could make sure you won't be dating anyone else either.
I won't cancel the trip unless you absolutely can not enjoy it with him. This is the perfect chance for you to get to know him, also for him to make it up to you by lying. If you can act calmly and not overreact, then you give him reason to be honest. If arguments arise because of this issue, it could create distance. The vacation is also a time to express what you need to feel secure. You can gently tell him if you don't hear from him for days then you don't feel like you are in a relationship.
I think you two communicate in different ways and there was massive misunderstanding. You either break up totally or you give him a chance to reveal his character.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2015): It doesn't matter if you're black or white.
You both need be on the same page about what a relationship is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): I would definitely cancel the trip.
AND the relationship.
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