A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Yes he talks to other girls while we were dating...Yes I know he was cutting them off one by one as he did not like his behavior but I broke it off before he could cut the last one off so he continues to talk to her.Now it's been eight months, I miss him and want him back. We started talking two months ago nothing serious. A lot of accusations from both sides. Basically accusing me of not having patience.After two months and no real moves from him except he wants me to come see him and we should take it slow. I decided to talk to him about what I want. It didnt go well so we didnt talk for a week. I then saw that he tagged his brother who is on my page and wrote the comment "There goes mine right there...I flipped but didn't do nothing until three days later.I wrote him a long email and poured out all my emotions about how we met and how he told me he will never hurt him. I also told him about this girl and the comment he made and ended the email praying for him but asking for closure because its what we need to move on.It's been five days, he did not respond back. I am itching to call and ask why. My pride is in the way. I dont know if this is the relationship for me but something keeps making me to want it so bad. I am very busy and not needy but I got it bad for him.What should I do. I have exhausted every thing in the book to make this man change and be the man I want and ultimately end up with him. Should I contact him one more time and really hear from his mouth that it is over since this breaking up moves have never came from him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all. My first reality for myself is when I actually started refering to him as a player. I have never thought this of him even with his ways but after enough studying that is my conclusion.Now based on the articles Abella posted, I read somewhere where some women have been able to make a player settle. No doubt in my mind I would have been that woman. All his friends really commended me because he have never ever brought a woman who he called his wife around anyone. They really thanked me for bringing this change to his life. Things got bad when he found out I was snooping so he took that and became really mean towards me and continued his past ways.I wish I had known earlier who I was dealing with. I would have handled him way better. He will not have had all of me, money, sex and everything I gave so carelessly. To me, I aided his player ways. I was supposed to help him but I myself have to blame myself as I kinda displayed a behavior of a party girl in the beginning. I drank and sexed him a lot and never really had substance in our convo. I was too comfortable because he promised marriage so early so I just treated the relationship not too virtuous womanly.I don't regret a thing now but it taught me that people treat you the way you asked to be treated. Although I didnt ask for it subconciously, I was not helping.We live and learn.There is still a part of me that believes that he chose me as the one to help break this bad habit. He did something he had never done before that is claim me as his wife. I did not set boundaries in the beginning. Had sex the second day we met and really these are all things I know I have to change myself. I am a good girl but I had some growing up to do myself.In my email I thanked him. Yes I did. I am a better person now. I am going after what I want in life and keeping myself busy. Thanks to him and the relationship he gave me. I hoped we met at another life. We were a perfect match. Chemistry was bananas. Like I said in my email SO long my friend. It hurts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): He's exhausting every other option out there and keeping you on the back-burner. I think you already know this... but why would you want to be someone's second choice? He doesn't care enough to respond because he loves having this power over you. He can pick up at any time where you guys left off and you're just ever-so smitten with him. He LOVES this about you, why wouldn't he? He's a complete jerk. Be glad that you never got pregnant by or married to this man, and find someone else who cares. You will be SO much happier, I promise. And he'll be sitting in the dark with these women who were stupid enough to stay with him, and you will have found true happiness in someone that isn't him (which will most definitely eat away at him!). You don't sound very co-dependent, but it wouldn't hurt to look into it, you could learn some really great things. If you need to hear it from him that it's over, then fine, call.. don't make a big deal out of it- why should you? You're DONE. Have a nice talk, don't break down, and hear what you need to hear then be done. If he tries to talk you into being with him, then just remember that he can go weeks without talking to you and doesn't respect you enough to respond to a heart-felt message. Sorry, this is beginning to be a long post. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been strong guys. I just want to be sure I am not going to give him up to someone else. He is changing and all the work I put in to make him change will not be lost as I see him being a good man to the next woman when It could have been me.
I still kinda have my way of investigating him and I know that he is not the same person I was with two years ago. Now you see why I feel like there is hope. He doesn't go out at all anymore. He is now working two jobs so he is way more busy. I just don't see him being that player guy anymore.
Yes he kept one girl around but she lives outside the country and I just see her as an ego booster for him.
I do feel like I broke up with him when he was about to make a decision and did not give him a chance to clean up completely.
And since we have been talking, I have been angry so I think that also is pushing him further away.
So my dilemma now is having the proper closure if indeed we are over. He gave me the silent treatment because I did state in the email that we need to both move on. Knowing him, that's a que that Im done with him again.
So with that said, should I try one more time since there is possibility that he has learnt his lesson and maybe ready to start a new clean relationship with another woman?
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reader, Abella +, writes (24 October 2012):
 You currently are still grieving at the loss of the relationship and you don't think you can ever find a guy better than this Player.
Well guess what? You can. But looking for such a great guy is scary. You've lost confidene that you can get, keep and delight a REAL guy who is secure in himself and never needs to cheat like you ex.
That's NOT true. You can find a great guy but as yet you cannot let go of this CHEATING UNRELIABLE guy who will break many hearts yet in his lifetime.
Anonymous Male 1 on this site has written some wonderful TRUTHS about PLAYERS.
Here are his thoughts.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/10-situations-that-scream-hes-a-player.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-most-women-are-attracted-to-bad-men.htm
The one on CHEATS and PLAYERS:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cheating-players-betrayal-and-trust-issues-should-a.html
above I have also added a compilation of collective wisdom of Cheats and Olayers from the wonderful posts of many other amazing insightful wonderful advice givers on DearCupid.org
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Sweetie, why would you want someone who will just give you trouble? No. Don't do this to yourself. No matter how strongly attracted you are with this player you should learn to let go. He ain't worth it. You should never contact him it makes you appear needy and helpless. Do you really want that?I mean don't you think that your giving yourself a favor by knowing that he have the tendency to ignore you like hell, when you already tried to do your best and pour out your heart to him by email? Then what you get? Silent treatment. I totally refused to your idea to call him.If i were you, cut your communication with him. Start to learn how to forget and time for you to see other people. this guys will never change.. Come to think of it, those days your not speaking with him, what is he doing? does he think like the way you thought of him? or was he busy with other things that has something to with women?You know the answer.. Its your choice to play smart or stupid. so the question is which one would you choose?
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