A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I think my relationship might be over, or it as been for a long time now...or maybe it’s not?Anyway...Myself (24/25 this year) and partner (23/24 this year) have been together for almost three and a half years and I/we are having a couple of issues; these are:- for the three years we have been together my partner hasn’t saved any money at all and we argue over it (I want to be with him and want a future but instead of putting some money away he spends it on cars) he does have a loan he is paying off. (Before he met me) it isn’t much of an issue as he has some sort of plan to save this year but I’m not sure when that is...- My partner told me a few years back that he doesn’t like going down on women because of a bad experience he once had..for me I find this weird as I have always had a guy go down on me, and the even weirder thing is, when on the odd occasion he does go down on me, he uses his toung on my clit but that’s it, licks it really weirdly that turns me off but even goes and washes his face afterwards!Our sex life hasn’t been the same since he told me he doesn’t like doing it as he wants blow jobs but I don’t want to give him any...- he told me tonight that he feels like we are two people living in the same house all because he was like “hop on” meaning...on his dick and there would of been no forplay involved beforehand...- my partner told me the other night that I’m “wasting my time” because...I would like to have children in 5 years (when I’m 30 or before) and he said he doesn’t want children then....and he said “you probably would of had a child by now” which yeah I would of if I had of still been engaged/married my ex...I have always dated older men, my partner is the first younger one I have dated...so I’m not sure if it’s maturity issue?Last things; my partners snoring is driving me crazy, he refuses to see a doctor about it/have an operation to fix it and yes I have tried ear plugs...Do I stay or do I go?I love my partner a lot but if there is any advice that you can give that would be great...
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blow-job, engaged, money, move on, my ex, older men, sex life, want children Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2018): You have several complaints against your partner and didn't list anything you like about him. Yet you say you love him a lot. I couldn't determine that by anything written in your post.
He doesn't save money or want kids. Two strikes.
Okay. You have different anatomies. You believe he should like going down on you; because he likes blow-jobs. Not necessarily. You're incompatible in the bedroom. This can be compromised; I will not count it as a strike against either of you.
When you're having issues with your present partner; you don't bring up your ex, nor do you compare the two. If he did that to you, I suppose that would have been included as one of the things in your post to discredit him.
His snoring drives you crazy!
Third-strike. He's out!
Call it quits. You have too many complaints, and love isn't going to keep it together.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2018):
 There are quite a few issues here,
ONE you two are not sexually compatible. He doesn't like to pleasure you orally but expects you to do it to him. While I don't think sex should ever be a tit for tat, it shouldn't just be about what ONE partner wants. I think it's OK to not LIKE certain sexual things (like oral) but to be so demonstrative about it? Like he does? Doing the worst job he can hoping you will tell him to never do it again, instead of him FINDING another way to PLEASE you. HIM having an erection doesn't mean it instantly turns you on.
Honestly? He sounds pretty immature.
Secondly, LISTEN to what he is saying. He says:" you are wasting your time" - HE means it. So what does that tell you? THAT YOU ARE WASTING your time hoping he will change his mind or that he REALLY wants a long-term relationship that leads to a family. HE doesn't.
Snoring? Well, not something he can fix overnight. It really depends on what the cause it whether an operation can fix it or not. funny thing, after my husband had a heart-attack and surgery, he snored like a chainsaw. After the surgery, not at all. Which means I wake up MANY times during the night checking to see if he is still breathing! I got so USED to the snoring! I don't feel snoring is a deal breaker but his overall attitude? Yes, you like different things and you want different things. So why KEEP trying to make a square peg (him) fit into a round hole (the relationship)?
He isn't GOING to change. This is who he is.
If you still want to have kids around or before 30, why waste your time dating someone who doesn't WANT that? Instead go forth and FIND the guy for you.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (30 January 2018):
He isn't a bad guy, he just doesn't want what you want, and he doesn't do it the way you want to do it. Where are the positives in your list?
He's been as honest as you can expect anyone to be the future. Do you hope he'll change?
Im guessing that you simply writing it down you'll see that it's time to call it quits. Don't dismiss his choices by putting it down to maturity. Some guys want to get on. Some enjoy the status quo. There are guys of forty who aren't mature enough to tell you the truth so credit where it's due.
If you issue an ultimatum perhaps he'll step up, but do you really want a reluctant partner who you have to nag and cajole every step of the way?
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