A
female
age
36-40,
*la3300
writes: A very old friend has recently turned up again. We have known each other for years and he is a friend of my brothers. we have in the past had a kiss here and there and some flirting. Recently we have been talking alot and over the years have gotten to know each other well. The problem is he's a marine and seven years older than me and I have always assumed he would just use me, and never really care about me. Recently he's been asking me 'what I want in life' etc repeatedly and If I would want more with him. Now this is where my insecurities come in. I always say no I dont want anything serious because I'm afraid he'll run a mile and again is just after sex. When I say this he says the same- he doesnt want anything serious either. This has been going on for 5 years, this game of cat and mouse almost and finally at the weekend, we slept together. I thought it might get him out of my system and with him being a marine I expected never to hear from him again. He has txt me non stop since. Im very confused because I feel like he wants more from me but is too proud to admit it- and im the same. He told me in the past that he did want more and that I turned him down at one point, could this be another hint? should I call his bluff? He tells me things that I know he doesnt tell anyone else and we seem to connect in a way that is just for us- and it's always been that way since we were younger. Then I think dont be daft! Theres no way he would want anything serious with you! I'm normally a very confident person and come across that way- but this man has the power to make me feel inches small. Ive always thought of him as a bit of a 'my hero' type, and think that I have been in love with him since I was 18, I've just never allowed the thought to enter my brain as he lives at the opposite end of the country. I'm afraid that if I tell him I want more- he'll run and say he just wants something casual. I'd rather have him a little than not at all. At the same time, these little questions he asks me hint that he wants more. We are both very stubborn people. All I can do is think about him at the moment and its driving me mad.Am I looking at this level headed or being a stupid idiot and looking into it too much with rose tinted glasses. I would hate to be totally wrong but normally I can tell if someone is interested in me. He is so very difficult to read at times that I just dont know and dont dare ask.Please Help!
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female
reader, cla3300 +, writes (15 October 2009):
cla3300 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Quiet Echo and Anonymous female reader. Your both spot on- I DO act detached with him which may be why Im getting all this confusing questioning. And yes I hate playing the 'vulnerable' role but your right- somebody needs to and I doubt he will. Thanks for the confidence boost and I'll keep you posted- we meet next week so if theres any progress I'll let you know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): You don't make any sense at all and the convuluted way you tell this story tells me that you confuse yourself.
I see a couple of major problems here.
He doesn't live near you, he is a traveling Marine.
You slept with him to get him out of your system?
Bullocks, now you are even more interested in him and driving yourself crazy trying to figure him out.
He asked you what you wanted from him and you told him noting, and he told you he didn't want anything serious either, which means you gave him permission to use you just for sex.
I don't think he feels for you what you think he does. I think your instincts are telling you that he is a bit of a user and he is older than you are and a bit slick with women...and I think you don't trust him for a reason. Which only you know what that is.
It doesn't take a man five years to show he is interested in someone.
He isn't a good candidate for a relationship, he is in the service, he is not asking you to go with him, he is not asking to be his anything and just wants to know what kind of thing you want with him, he believes you want casual sex because that is what you agreed too.
So the confusion is on your part making too much out of this friendship or what ever you want to call it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Ooooh, tricky question. Two stubborn people can make a relationship difficult. But let's look at the details:1. He contacts you2. He asks questions about your feelings, revealing he has been thinking about you and wants to know what you feel.3. His questions are personal and hint at a personal interest in you4. After sex, he very much wants to keep in touch with youI'd say one of you is going to have to put yourself out there. You don't have to change who you are but for just a moment, you might need to play the "female" role and show a little vulnerability by making your feelings known first. If your man is a big, tough marine he may not feel comfortable opening up when you are acting as detached and "manly" as he is. (No offense - I'm just trying to explain what he MIGHT be feeling.) You might be surprised how much your confession means to him and how gentle, considerate and truthful he becomes because of it. If it's truly NOT your personality or within you to open up first, then don't. But brace yourself to loose him. Someone HAS to give in or your stubbornness will leave you both lonely. Until another woman is brave enough to do what you haven't done yet. Seriously consider saying something like "You asked me if I wanted more with you and the truth is that I do care for you but you're often on the other side of the world and I fear that asking for more would ruin our chance of being happy together. What do you think we could do about this? Do you have any ideas about how a relationship might work?" See what he says!
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A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 don't call his bluff, call your own! tell him that you really do want to start a relationship... otherwise, you two will get nowhere.
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