A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've got a group of friends I've been hanging out with for a few years and I like them a lot. It's three couples, and me (a guy). Not only am I the only single one, I'm also the only gay one. We do not talk about my being gay, although I have told some but not all of them. I assume the rest of them just know. It hasn't come up because I have not been dating anyone seriously enough that I would introduce them. I don't meet a lot of guys I like. I think for most of these friends, I am their only gay friend. I don't have any gay friends myself that I hang out with, and I really like hanging out with these guys. And like I said, we never talk about my being gay.Anyway, I fell in love with a man who lives in Europe. I live in the US. He is coming to visit and his visit will overlap with a birthday dinner for one of the guys in said group. The new boyfriend is visiting me and only knows me -- I can't go to the dinner and leave him behind. I'd also like him to meet my new friends, but perhaps a dinner is not a good idea. I imagine extended family of the birthday man and his wife might be there, and they seem like pretty traditional families. Does this seem like too much of a mine field -- the first time my friends meet a boyfriend of mine (who they are only going to now find out I have), and a lot of people I don't know who probably don't mix with a lot of gay people? I just want everyone to be comfortable. I hate drama. My friend's wife has graciously said I could bring the guy (even though it's a prepaid sit down). If he lived here, I'd just leave it and introduce them another time, but he's here visiting me and I am not going to leave him alone while I have dinner with my friend. So I'm thinking maybe we just should not go at all. Am I overthinking things? Thanks.
View related questions:
fell in love, friend's wife Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jd7x7  +, writes (17 February 2011):
I think it is great that you are trying to think of everyone's feelings here. Since the friend's wife has invited you to bring the boyfriend I would go for it. I'm assuming your new boyfriend is as charming and considerate as you are, so you will probably do nothing but good. The most traditional people in the world are inclined to be impressed by good manners and pleasant personalities.
A
female
reader, nanie20 +, writes (27 January 2011):
 If you want to take him you should..but i think since it is the first time he comes over you should skip the dinner and just spend time with him...get to know eachother more and see where things are going. Later on that you know things are more serious and he is ready to come again then take the time to organize a dinner with your friends to introduce your boyfriend...GOOD LUCK!
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I think you're being very sensitive and thoughtful to all concerned. To my mind the only question is, will your boyfriend enjoy himself if you take him? Is he an outgoing sort who enjoys meeting new people? Or would he prefer to spend the time doing something alone with you? If it's the latter, then send your regrets for the party.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 January 2011):
I definitely think you're overthinking things. Obviously, they think you're a great friend and invited you to a birthday dinner and being that they know you're gay...if you did bring someone they would probably expect you to bring your boyfriend. So if you want him to come and meet your friends, I think you should. I honestly don't think anyone would be opposed to it since they already know and it's a new day and age, people are more accepting of that stuff. Bring him; you are who you are and if people don't like that, then that's their problem.
...............................
|
