A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been thinking about breaking up with my bf for a while now. We've been together for over 2 years, and while there isn't anything specifically wrong, and we get on great, but I just don't feel right about it, and I know I dont want to be with him.The trouble is I don't know how to articulate this to him. We've been together a long time and I feel he deserves an explanation. I'm also worried that it will seem really sudden, because I haven't been acting that differently (other than its been a while since we saw each other), and we haven't been arguing lots or 'struggling'. My other concern is where and when to do it. We are both at university, in different cities, though we live in the same town when its the holidays. Its a long time till the holidays and so I dont think I should wait till then to break up, because that seems dishonest. But should I visit him to do it (we live quite far apart, about 3 hours away, but usually we would visit each other every 2 weeks or so), or should i do it when he is visiting me? or should i do it on the phone? And if I do go visit him to do it, when should i break up with him? At the beginning, or the end of the visit. I mean if i visit him for the weekend like I usually would, surely it would be awkward to break up at the beginning of the visit, and then be hanging around, and if I broke up with him at the end of the visit it would make the rest of the visit seem fake. What, how, when, and where should I do this??
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): my best bet is call him and tell him that you need to talk, arrange to meet somewhere halfways or go see him, honestly as you are the one breaking up with him you should drive to see him, talk to him and then drive back. if he has been good to you is what he deserves at least. good luck.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 January 2013):
 Going to visit to break up seems a bit over the top even if it is just a 3 hour trip. IF you break up when you first get there, you would probably drive right back home and that's a lot of driving in one day (BTDT)
If you wait till the end of the visit you're not being honest... it's a mess to be honest.
Sadly it's probably not going to be a clean break and it will not be one (phone call) and done more than likely.
He's going to feel blindsided...
what will probably happen is this:
IF you call and tell him you want to end it.
he will resist
he will want you to visit to talk about it. (BTDT)
maybe you two could each drive half way and meet at a coffee shop in the middle to talk.... that way you are in public... and not too far from home...for the drive back and no need to spend an entire weekend.
best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (18 January 2013):
 This is very tricky. I think something like this can only be done face to face. You can't really leave it to the end of your visit as what if he wants to get affectionate with you? Do you do it pretending everything's alright? No, that wouldn't be being honest.
Why have you not mentioned anything before to him? It will be sudden and painful for him, but you can't let things continue if that's how you feel.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 January 2013):
 I think that you should tell him sooner rather than later, and tell him in person, rather than on the phone. You have been with him a long time, he deserves a decent explanation. I think that you should tell him at the beginning of your visit. It will be a weight off your shoulders if you do, i know he will be upset, but over time he will respect the fact that you were open and honest with him and diden't lead him on in any way.
Good luck
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