Should I break up with him?? Please help me, please.

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello. I need some serious advice, I'm in such a tight tight corner I don't know what to do. First of all, I'm 18 years old, and heading to college in 10 days. I have been with my boyfriend for a little bit over a year. He is a year older than me. We went to the same high school and were good friends for 3 years. We started dating his senior summer, when I was still a junior in highschool. He spent a year at a college, and when we got more serious, we decided he would transfer to my college when I went. He did, got accepted, and will be attending in 10 days, same time as me. At a midpoint in our relationship I started flirting with several guys, and almost, but didn't, cheat. This broke his heart and we almost broke up, but we repaired it. I know I am a horrible person for doing this, but just a few weeks ago I met a guy at work, we started hanging out, and I've slept with him. The problem is, I don't feel guilty about it. And, in fact, it has made me seriously question my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't feel like I'm sexually attracted to my boyfriend. And I always knew it, but he has so many other qualities to look past other than physicality. He has devoted all his time to me, would do anything for me, is even taking out a huge loan just to attend the same college as me. I don't feel like I'm ready for a serious committed relationship at the brink of college to someone I may or may not truly love. I'm scared there's going to be other people I like in this new place, and new experiences to have. I don't want to be held down at all.. and I already flirt with other guys. I thought it was just my personality, but now I'm severely worried that it means I don't love him. We have already talked about marriage sometime in the farther future. His entire family loves me, he is my one and only support system (my parental relationship isn't so good). I'm scared to lose him, but at the same time I feel like I can't do this, I can't be with him if I want to see other people. I can't make him take out thousands of dollars in loans to be with me if I end up not wanting to be with him. Is this just a fluke/cold feet and I do really love him, or has this always been there, underneath and I've only been in denial this whole time? I know this is horrible timing, he would have to either just go to my college and spend tons of money, or defer and wait to go back to his old school. It's very selfish of me to think this now, but I don't know what to do, and I've gotten mixed replies from everyone I've talked to, I need some serious help. I'd be able to stop him before he takes out all that money... but should I just swallow this feeling and hope it goes away and end up finding that I do truly love him? My boyfriend is loving, romantic, sensitive, sweet, has never yelled in the entire 3 years I've known him. He would buy me roses and chocolates for no reason. He has never ever cheated on me. Guys like that don't come along every day I know.. but.... help me please!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011):

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