A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of three years got a DUI for the third time so they are keeping him in Jail. I haven't had a close relationship with his brother but because of this situation we had been spending a lot of time together. On Christmas eve he came over and we had already agreed that he was going to spend the night so that he wouldn't have to drive. We got really drunk, especially me, and had sex. I love my boyfriend and I don't want him to ever find out what we did. I think it would hurt him a lot because he loves me too. I thought the most honest thing I could do, would be to break up with him without telling him the real reason. His brother convinced me not to do that. He thinks that we can still be together and be happy. He keeps telling me that we will be able to keep this a secret. I am afraid that my boyfriend will find out someday and the consequences of this. He has told me that we will move in together when he gets out of jail. I feel horrible for what I did. What should I do? Should I break up with him or should I give it a try to our love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your opinions. I just want to clarify that I did not invite him to sleep over. There were other people staying over to prevent drunk driving. I do understand that it makes you mad but it is not an excuse. We did not plan this and both of us feel horrible and regret this. That is why I'm trying to figure out what would be the best thing for him. I am not trying to get to NYC and I do not think this is a funny situation at all. One thing I forgot to mention is that it would be a different situation if he were free. He has his hope on me to be able to bail him out. That is why it makes it so difficult for me. I don't want to leave him alone right now, he needs me! Even when I'm a horrible person who betrayed him, I will stay by him because he needs me right now.
Thank you for all your advice!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): He will be much more hurt knowing the truth. You might feel better unburdening yourself of this terrible guilt, but you will forever change his self esteem, and his relationhip with his brother. Keep you mouth shout and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I think you should tell him and see how he reacts. If he lets you back into his life be ready to earn the trust back. If you love him, tell him, then face the consequences. If you just break up with him, he will think that he was the cause of the breakup and that just isnt fair to him. You messed up, you face up to it, for his sake.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Sounds like you'd be a good candidate for Jerry Springer. I bet you feel horrible. I think you knew well what your were doing when you first, early on, agreed to have your BF's brother sleep over, and now you're trying to diminish responsibility because, oh, "I drank - ooops." Sorry toots, not buying it. Do you think anyone believes that you and he didn't plan this all along (...oh, I know you didn't say it bluntly to one another but when you invite a guy to sleep over that you don't know well, and then drink... come on.)? Are you really kidding yourself? You're not fooling anyone else.If I were you, I would break up with the BF, and leave his family alone. Be prepared for the brother to call you for another booty call; he'll expect it now. I have a feling you don't have the moral strength to follow my advice, and that you'll likely tear this family apart. Pick up the phone, call 1-800-Jerry, and you'll at least get a free trip to NYC.
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