A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:So I met this guy in a dating site and I have been ion three dates with him. A little background about me- I was in an abusive five year relationship and I left and it's been three years but the scars are still there - I am finally ready to date and I have gone on a few dates here and there but have never gotten sexually active for three years because I'm always hesitant of diseases and someone using me so I never let ppl in easy long story short I have gone on three dates and the guy is nice we have gotten a little physical but he doesn't text he only checks in like twice during the week and then when we do go out we go to a museum and dinner but he always gets feely touchy. I asked him what he wanted and he was like well when I put my thinking cap on I did get out of a relationship a couple of months ago and I do find u very attractive - I'd like to get to know u and see where this possibly goes- and I was like so u want to see other ppl ?? And he was like no that's not what I said. He also mentioned his ex "didnt know what she wanted" he hasn't tried to have sex with me he has been a gentleman about that but I did just see that he logged Into te dating site again ... And he always checks in but it seems that work takes a lot of his time and his priorities are friend- last three times it's been like I'm seeing my friends this day and that day but I'm off on this day to see u... I have been at his apartment no sign of any females being there but should I bother getting to know him further??? I'm emotional and very sensitive and I analyze everything and am so worried of getting hurt.. He has been the one reaching out most of the time--- and after our dates he will wait two or three days two text- we have only seen or known each other 3 weeks
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 Firstly, well done for being so strong and leaving your last relationship.
In regards to your current situation I think you both want different things.
He's recently out of a relationship and clearly enjoys dating but equally likes going out with his friends. His work also features highly.
You've had a turbulent past and this is a huge step for you and I'm guessing you'd like someone who really wants to spend time with you and treats you well (lets be fair who doesn't want that?)
You need to take things slowly so that you can feel safe and take things one step at a time but you still want someone who is keen to spend time with you and get to know you properly too.
This guy sounds nice but maybe not the right one for you.
I hope this helps AB x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): I too have suffered through an abusive relationship, so I know how hard it is to move on from that and learn to trust another man.
Too me, it sounds like you aren't ready for this yet.
Don't rush yourself.
Did you recieve any counselling following the abuse?
If you like this guy, then there is no harm in seeing him still, take it slow and be friends and go from there.
You need time to get to know each other.
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