A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just less than two years, its a long distance one and we have had some difficult times, due to him cheating twice and persuing another woman which i found out about and never went further.I told him three weeks ago that i was sick of wondering where he was, who he was with and that i wanted out as i did not trust him. He did not want us to end.He told me that its me he loves, and that he will never do it again. He is flirtatious by nature and i knew that when i met him, but doesnt show it to me.He is talking about things we could do in the summer, holidays/breaks away etc, and is planning on us being together then.My question is, is it worth staying hoping he will genuinley change?am i setting myself up to be hurt again, i do love him and would like nothing more than for him to be faithful, but i do not think i could cope if he did cheat again.I was very hurt and down for a long time after finding out, and have managed to get to a place where i feel stronger, thats why i told him i wanted out.any advice is appreciated thankyou.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (8 June 2009):
 Well done, MonicaC *hug*.
A
female
reader, MonicaC  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 I feel deeply for you because I am going through something similar right now. I do not have any faith left in my long-distance relationship because he cheated on me. He finally admitted it (though I knew it already for months). I really thought that somehow by his admitting it that it would make things better. But, sadly, it only made things worse. I have given up 2 years of my life for someone who has betrayed me sexually with another woman for months.
My advice is not to stay in the relationship. I am going to try to stay away from my ex. I broke up with him today. This is going to be tough, but you owe it to yourself to be with someone who loves you enough to be faithful.
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (3 June 2009):
Pleaase do not settle for this. Look at the turmoil you have been going through. Do you really want it for all your life? Get out before it's too late, while you still can, and STILL feel empowered, later on you will feel devastated and worn out, when you would have had enough.. I read someowhere that if someone is OK with disappointing you once, then they are OK with disappointing you again. Do you really want that? I think you are setting yourself up for a huge disapointment, with unrealistic expectations that someone will change, the odds are they won't.. Please, anybody with a positive story, feel free to disagree with me here!! I am hoping someone will! If he is so willing to change, he can do it ANYWAY, without you saving yourself up emotionally for only him,when he clearly did not appreciate that in the past. I am sure in his twisted way he has some affection for you, but is that sufficiently strong for him to actually change, and is that good enough for YOU? And long distance... I suggest you tell him straight you keep the door open for him for when he is ready to give you 200%, and until then you will look after your own happiness,no warranties, becasue after all you did give him chances and he did not take them seriously. Yeah, stamping your foot, but an open and honest approach, no bullshit from your side, and you are left with your integrity intact, which will help you heal. If he is serious, he will make efforts... Everyone does if they really are deeply serious in their hearts about something...
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