A
male
age
36-40,
*b11
writes:I have been with my girl for almost a year now... We really love each other.. and are very secure that the other person wont leave us or cheat. She has a past, has been a wild girl and has dated many many people,and one of them--the one she dated before me--was a friend of hers since a long time, almost 4yrs. Lets name him AJ.She says that they just went on a few dates and nothing happened physically between them when they dated. She also feels that a few dates cant mean that she was 'dating' AJ, it was just a few dates and thats all. Though 3 years back when she was with her ex she had a fight with the ex and ended up kissing AJ. this means she cheated on her ex but she stopped after that one kiss with AJ as she felt repulsed by him, and then nothing ever happened between the two after that... (her ex dumped her 2 years back. she was very depressed and had 2 rebounds and then had a few dates with AJ. it took her almost a year to get over that ex. and i met her shortly after that..).Now AJ is very close friends with my girlfriend's best friend(female friend). Aj and her are almost always togther. This best friend of hers recently commented on my facebook pic and called me a dodo and I told her my Girlfriend this. She was shcoked and was like, She said that word..? she did?? seriously?? and i was like... uhh yeah.. why.. and shesays.. coz thats not her word. and i asked what does she mean, whose word is it then and she was like thats AJs word. He uses the word dodo.. It was damn weird for me that one word reminded her of some guy she dated/kissed in her past. And i asked her this, that how come one word that your friend mentioned reminded you of him, and she goes cz that is HIS word. n i was WTF. She has linked up memories of people with words in her mind. One word and she thinks of him.. She says that i am the only one in her heart and mind but then how would one word make her think of some other guy... She was friends with all the people she hooked up with or has dated in the past till very recent but has started cutting down on contact with them. And has cut down on contact even with him, is just cordial with him, as they didn't end on a good note. But some months ago met again at that friends place and cleared out the misunderstandings. she isnt back to being friends with him the way they were before she was dating him. but is cordial with him. and not the cold shoulder types anymore. She would compliment his clothes if she finds him dressed well and stuff, wouldnt mind sitting and talking with him, knuckle punch, high five..etc.. The only thing very weird for me is the word thing. that just that one word dodo reminded her of that guy. Not like he created that word, it is a common word. but when her best friend said it, she couldnt believe that she said it,as that is His word... It is weird for me.. should i be worried that she is still holding onto her past??? She was holding onto it alot... to the people and memories and would tell me about it.. till i asked her to stop telling me... But again this time.. one word and she thought of some guy she dated.. its very weird. She says that she doesnt have any other guy on her mind and im the only one. but then, why would one simple word said by her bestfriend remind her of that guy??
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, facebook, her ex, her past, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 You need to let this go or you will end up pushing her over the edge and she will leave...Its a word that she associates with him, theres no big deal here at all. Seriously he was part of her past and she cant just erase memories. He was her friend. Just because she isnt in to him romantically doesnt mean that she didnt once care for him as a friend. You cant be jelous of this she is entitled to have male friends as well as female friends and this doesnt mean that she cares for you any less. Its unhealthy just to give one person in the world your full attention you need friends in your life as well.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): dude. it's the word dodo. i wouldn't think too much into it. it's a weird word and not a lot of people say it. it means absolutely NOTHING for her to acknowledge he uses that strange childish word. let it go.
...............................
A
male
reader, sb11 +, writes (2 May 2011):
sb11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am kinda jealous... I mean, had it been someone else i wouldnt mind.. But here.. its some guy from her past.. She cheated on her ex with him...(a kiss).. and dated him.. they broke off because apparently he started telling everyone that she was his girlfriend and she didnt like that at all...She wasnt romantically into him.. and him telling his friends that she was his girlfriend after a few dates.. got her pissed...Anyway, It was just weird that we are together for a year now.. and still one word mentioned by some friend and she thinks of some guy from her past... Why hold onto such memories and people when u say u r not interested in them at all..She used to say..till very recent times.. around 2-3months ago.. that AJ is her back up plan... if she cant find anyone who will marry her... she n Aj wud get married...I didnt appreciate this.. after i heard it like the millionth time.. and i asked her.. if she really wants to go there.. she can... and she said that she was just joking about it... and just to prove that he doesnt mean anythng to her.. she blocked him off her Fb as well.. they were just cordial now anyway she says..she just used to tag him in her notes.. and they would comment on each others photos..Anyway, i trust her fully... I know she wont go... or cheat.. But her having memories of other guys is weird for me... I dont hold nto anyone's memories from the past.. especially with such words and all.. because i want to give her my 100%... Its like a cup... i emptied it so i could pour all of her in it.. without any other stuff... But she still thinking of other guys with a simple mention of a word was damn weird for me... It hurt me that she still has other guys n their memories in her head... and that too linking them up with simple words..and getting reminded of them.. and worst bit.. was telling Me about it... it hurt......
...............................
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (2 May 2011):
I agree with aunt honesty here. You are overreacting as our minds work just like that. Some ideas get linked with memories and the simple contact with that idea (in this case a word) bring the memory back. So there is nothing unusual the word thing as it was written by some connected to the memory also. Dodo word, linked to her friend, linked to her male friend.
You are just jealous.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 May 2011):
I think you are totally over reacting here. Obviously this word was associated with this guy years ago when they were friends. You said they were friends for a long time and in that friend zone they obviously associated this word with AJ. It doesnt mean that she was thinking about him or that she is not letting go of past guys. I think the best thing for you to do is to accept that she is being truthful to you. You said at the start you are secure and trust her but to me it doesnt sound that way. Believe her when she says that it is harmless and that obviously that word was highly associated with him!!
...............................
|
