A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I be worried if my boyfriend admits to cheating on past girlfriends?I know it's not fair to hold his past that had nothing to do with us against him. I don't. I just can't help to be nervous though...because I was cheated on by my ex...and the heartbreak was so painful. So far in my current relationship everything has been amazing. We feel like soulmates, both of us agree we have never felt a love like this before. We truly feel like we are meant to be. We have talked about marriage and kids. I am so afraid to be hurt again and I don't want that to get in the way of things. Should I be concerned about his past? When he told me he seemed very remorseful. He said he trusts me and that I'm the first girl he ever trusted. He promised to never cheat on me. He said he can't picture anyone else being the mother to his kids, that he can't live without me, and he never wants to lose me. He said if he didn't trust me if would have already cheated on me. He said in the past he cheated because he was scared of being cheated on so he would do it first. He is very genuine when he talks to me. I know what we have is different than his other relationships. He said I am the only girl he ever thought about marriage with and that's what makes it different. I am the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with and have a family with.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 October 2012):
 The short answer is: yes you should be worried.
Reread your original post. Just about every sentence starts with "He says" or "He Promised". Do you think he ever told any of his past girlfriends the same thing?
You don't state how long you've been going out, but you still have some doubts about his sincerity. And at your age it is pretty easy to be swept up with dreams of "forever", especially with a reformed bad boy. Often times the heart can convince the mind to ignore the warning sides.
I would encourage you to talk things slowly and make sure this guy is for real. Yes, cheating men can change and with the right woman, they can remain monogamous and committed. However, I don't think your relationship has been tested by trials and time. Why not take things slowly -- and make sure this guy is truly as committed to you as he says he is and don't buy into his talk (remember, talk his cheap, actions are priceless).
Finally, try to identify why he cheated on his previous girlfriends. If he isn't sure why or hasn't learned from his previous mistakes he WILL repeat them -- and sadly you'll be the one that pays the ultimate price.
And finally, don't say "I do" until you know without a bit of doubt that your boyfriend is a man you can trust to be faithful to you in the most difficult situations. If you don't have that, your marriage will be over before it begins.
Eddie
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