A
female
age
26-29,
*at8Friday
writes:I know this is a lot to read but it would be unfair to leave any information out.My problem is that I don't know if I want to be with my boyfriend anymore.We've been together 3 years and been through so much together, we "exchanged" virginities last April and we've managed through interfering ex's and family arguments. But since last December I've started to get bored of the comfortable relationship and lack of effort he puts in because we've been together so long. I told him exactly how I was feeling and we both tried to work through it and then his ex started offering herself to him and all the drama made me feel more possessive of him but now that that's wearing away it's getting back to the comfy, cozy relationship I was getting bored of 8 months ago! It's worse now though, I'm starting to despise everything he stands for. He's in a band where his musical talent is about 5o leagues above the singers and it really annoys me that he's letting himself be held down because "there's nothing better to be doing". He sent me a link to something about "Rules when dating a musician" the other day as a joke but it really got to me, I don't want to be "the drummers girlfriend".. I'm fed up of being second best to music. I understand he has a passion and he's pursuing it but he's been with me longer than he's been in the band but he's already pushing me aside for it. I scrolled down his facebook page the other day to try and make myself feel better but there is honestly nothing about me at all and tons about his band and his music, I just want to be acknowledged and appreciated for once.I've considered breaking up with him before, I thought about all the positives and then I started thinking of all the negatives, we're best friends and we're always there to talk to each other, he has no one else so if I broke up with him he'd be alone and I can't do that to him, he's got a bad relationship with his parents so he needs me to talk to about it. My family loves him too, it would be like them breaking up with him too not just me. Is it worth all this? I had 2 relationships before him very close together, so I'm 16 now and I haven't been single for longer than a month in over 5 years... Please give me some advice, what would you do?
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female
reader, Just Gill +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Firstly i like to think you know when someone is right for you, i see life is a road thats long and bump, a journey if you like. Is your bf the one who's right for that journey with you? It's worth asking yourself that. Possibly your doughting yourself because you haven't had any space for 'you' and to understand who 'you' are. I went through a similar experience where i thought if i leave him, what if i dont find someone else, what if i dont like being on my own, then of course the issues you raised about his family and the closeness of your's with him. You need to think about you, it can come across as selfish but it's your life it's your journey, you decide who's on that path with you. Relationships are not easy...they really aren't! you need to work at them, there is so many factors involved. you are protective of him when your threatened by other females, thats natural but when there is no chaos things are dull. Make some of your own chaoes with him, use your imagination. Make sure you both understand what the rules are when trying this out. As for bordom, thats why its important to create your harmless chaos just for you too. For the music side, why dont you get involved. He needs to do his own thing and the same for you. When you have time free and he's with his band, go and help out. What made you like him in the first place?
Maybe try going on a break if those other options dont appeal to you. After a week or two you'll see the results and know for sure. Again with this you need to set boundaries so mistakes dont happen.
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