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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am a 29-year-old woman who is intensely attracted to a guy at work. He is 23. We enjoy chatting with each other and flirt quite a bit intellectually. He does little things for me like buying catnip for my cats and insisting I try food from his plate when we go out with co-workers. I’ve caught him watching me when he thinks I am not looking.Even though I know he is attracted to me, I don’t know if he’ll ever talk about it. I think the fact that I am older intimidates him. Or perhaps he is just plain scared or too conventional, and I don’t realize it. I am a very honest and direct person, and it is tearing me up to see this isn’t going anywhere. Is it wrong for a woman to fall in love with a younger man? Should I be the first to tell him how I feel? The books I have read, like “The Rules,” say a woman should never be the first to tell the man how she feels. She should be the one to maintain the mystery and seem less interested. Is this true?I am so scared I’ll lose the man I’ve grown to respect and love and want so very much. How much longer should I wait? Will bringing up my feelings drive him away? Or am I mistaken about how he feels?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Hi
Oh, please! Rules are meant to be broken! And this is the 21st century, the time of Demi Moore and Madonna! Even Hugh Jackman is with an older woman. As for you approaching a younger man, I would be more concerned about the work policy on office romances, rather than the age difference. That is more to be pondered as you have built yourself a career and respect. However, if that is not an issue, then by all means go ahead, invite him out!
And, I think that you guys may have something together (intellectual discussions don't just happen between anyone, you know). And, yes, he sounds like a wonderful man, so.
Wish you the very best
Love :)
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (15 October 2009):
 How much about him do you know? He could be attached and be flirting with you at work to pass the time. People often do this without realizing it. What might seem like attraction and flirting to you might only be friendliness to someone else. I have no doubt that he is attracted to you in some way and enjoys the time you have together but it's one thing to be attracted to someone and another to pursue it. Him working with you might also stop him from making a move.
It's not wrong to fall in love with someone older, younger or whatever but are you really in love or just infatuated? Do you know him well enough to say that you actually love him? Anyway, the books you have read I think are generally on the right track. It's not so much about you telling him how you feel first, it's about letting him pursue you so that YOU know how HE feels about you. Many women ask men out, the men are not that interested but are too nice to say no. What happens then is that the woman gets her hopes up and when nothing happens she's hurt. I think the books advocate the men should approach first theory so that you can minimize the chances of getting hurt. It doesn't mean you won't get hurt.
If I was you I'd try and see if you could get some time with him away from work. Don't go telling him how you feel...it would freak anyone out. Take baby steps. Think of something he'd like to do and say you're going, then casually say to him that he should come. Don't push it or ask...make it a suggestion. If he's willing he'll take the bait. It's one way to find out what he thinks of you.
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