A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 27 and is having some problems at the moment with money and stuff. He never wants sex with me and it's really getting me down. I'm 19 and have a very high sex drive, my confidence has really been knocked by this. The other night, we started to make love and he lost his erection. He gets really mad when this happens and he started telling me how scared he is of sex and not performing and therefore, disappointing me. I get upset when this happens because I feel I'm not pleasuring him.Now I don't know what to do. I know he's got problems and he says I should be patient but I'm 19, should I just cut my losses? I do love him but I have no confidence left and am very frustrated. I'm also scared if I stick with him through all this rubbish, he might just leave me for someone else once he's happy again. Please help.
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confidence, erection, money, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (23 March 2006):
 Stress can do strange things to a man's ability to perform, and losing an erection during sex is actually quite common when a man feels he is under pressure.
A technique for easing the pressure?
Try making a 'no sex for a month' rule. You are both allowed to do absolutely anything except have sex. Kissing, touching massages but no actual orgasms (for him anyway). See how long you can keep it up (no pun intended). Eventually he will be wanting you so much he is gonna forget about everything else that is worrying him and just go for it.
But if it does happen again try not to make a big deal out of it. If you get upset he is going to blame it on himself and feel even more pressured each time.
A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (22 March 2006):
 Hey there pet..
I dont think he would go with anyone else, so you shouldnt worry about that.. But I do also think that you should communicate more with each other. I think you need to look between the lines, you mentioned when he lost his erection he said he was scared of disappointing you.. And you said that you get upset becasue you feel youre disappointing him..
You are both too busy trying to please the other that its got you both scared of disappointing each other in the sexual relationship that you have..
I would advise you both to sit down and talk.. You could mention to him that you are scared of loosing him when he gets back on track. Just spill it all out.. Its better out than in and Communication is needed more in a relationship than some people would think..
Good Luck..
Jacqueline
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A
female
reader, Tell it like it is! +, writes (22 March 2006):
Why let him drag u down with him, ur doing nothing wrong, hes the 1 with all the problems, warn him if he dont buck his ideas up ull leave him, if nothin changes then leave him, it obviously wasnt meant 2 be, but don't let him ruin futre relationships, 4 all u no e could b havin it off with sum1 else, ur young, move on and cut ur loses!! Hes 2 old anyway!
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