A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I'm looking to hear what people think about something I am worried about with my boyfriend of 6 months. We get on really well, especially when it's just the two of us together (he can try too hard to impress his friends sometimes...!), I'm very attracted to him, we have things in common yet differences too which makes for good conversation, and I just generally love spending time with him. We are both in our second year at university. Now for the problem. He has told me that he finds it difficult to express his emotions, even if he does feel them deep down, and that people have told him before that this can be very frustrating. The thing is is that he's not just bad at it, he really is pretty damn dreadful! When we are alone together he will hold my hand (but never in public!) and be affectionate towards me physically, and the way he acts does make me feel like he cares. However, there have been a few times when he's made strange comments about how he feels towards people falling in love. An example (one of several), was when we watched a film with some friends and at the end the two main characters essentially fall in love, to which he said something about how it was 'so lame' as they had been having so much fun before. This confused me greatly/made me feel a bit awkward sitting there as his girlfriend really! To me there is no reason why falling in love means not having fun together!I am concerned that I may find myself falling in love with someone who will simply never love me back. I can't work out if he's just inexperienced or scared of the concept of loving someone, or if he just genuinely isn't that interested in me/love?! He has had a girlfriend before but we haven't talked much about our pasts yet so I don't know how close they were. I have been in love once with someone I was with for a year who said he loved me back. I ended up getting hurt in this relationship so the comments that my current boyfriend are making aren't exactly making me feel secure in letting myself trust him and get closer to him. Should I just be patient and stay with him in the hope that he may one day find himself falling in love with me, or should I run for the hills now to avoid another broken heart? I am not in love with him yet but can see myself being so someday hence why I entered into a relationship with him!Any helpful thoughts would be great, thanks a lot!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for both replies! I am definitely worried that I am just going to become more frustrated with this as you say, but I am not in love with him myself yet and am not in a hurry to be. I don't want to rush things and ruin them unnecessarily. I don't mind taking things slowly but what I do mind is if he is just generally against the concept of love, who wants a boyfriend with an attitude like that?! It is not that there are no sparks or chemistry between us, the opposite in fact! What I think he may be assuming is that falling in love means sacrificing the 'fun' of those sparks and initial chemistry. Sure love changes things, but in my view it doesn't have to be in a negative way and I'm not sure he can contemplate that, at the moment anyway. This is really tricky. I'm going to wind up hurt aren't I...!
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Sounds like this man doesnt really know what he wants. You could try spending more time with him in the hope that things eventually change, but then, you either feel the sparks or you dont. I mean, there's no middle ground here. If he doesnt feel the chemistry now, there's a slim chance of that happening later. He seems to think of falling in love as hard work and something that would be a pain! Thats not how it should be!!
You should not invest too many emotions on this guy. That's just my two cents worth, but I feel that you might just end up feeling frustrated if he keeps up with this attitude.
Hope this helps. Good luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Thats tough. On one hand, 6 months is a pretty big chunk of time to invest in a relationship. But it may be good to ask yourself if one of your non negotiables is to have physical touch in public and for your partner to say that he loves you. If these are things you definitely need, you should talk to your partner and let him know that you feel disappointed and just be perfectly honest. Remember, no one person can be your everything in life but in terms of finding the right boyfriend he should at least fit your list of non negotiables.
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