A
female
age
41-50,
*razybeyatch
writes:I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple times and sleeping with her when we were only dating for less then a year (he even proposed to me before he chose to cheat on me) so he got upset with me for saying what I did about hoping nothing else happens between them again. Was I wrong for saying that? I only did due to knowing he’s done it to me before and in my head it says if he’s capable of doing this to me before a couple times for no reason while the relationship was going amazing then he’s capable of making it happen again. He yells at me that it was awhile ago and that “ I should be over it. “ What do you guys think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2019): I agree with Fatherly Advice, there is no timeline for "getting over it" when it comes to cheating. He has a shady history with this woman, and it is perfectly acceptable and normal for you to want to set rules and boundaries for the times when you have to deal with the other woman in his life. It will be tough since he cannot really cut her off totally until the kids are grown, and that necessitates a lot more communication from him to you about everything that happens when he and the baby-mama are in contact. That is the only way he can rebuild your trust and repair your relationship. \I don't imagine he has done any work to this effect so far, and that is why you are both still dealing with it 5 years later. So sorry, I hope you can get on the same page on this issue. If you still have trouble from him, try a counselor to help mediate. Best, R
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2019): You shouldn't be questioning in your head whether you were right or wrong to make that innocent remark.You sound as if you are very accomadating and self effacing.This is your life and this guy is a bit of a loveable rogue in your opinion.He flew off the handle and turned the blame back to you because he knows in his head that he may well cheat again but the only possible way you could know about it us if his baby momma gets pregnant again and he can't convince you that someone else is the dad.You may forgive but you do not have to forget.Even knowing that she was pregnant for him you continued the relationship most probably because he convinced you that the child wasn't his until perhaps a D.N.A test ascertained the truth.Perhaps I am completely wrong and he came home and admitted the truth immediately and you allowed it but that isn't quite how I would imagine it to have been.So where are you now?You need to trust yourself.You are not aiming for distress so you need to spell it out to him how you see the contact situation unfolding.But this is murky territory.If she is still single then your fella may still feel the need to let his d*** do the talking.If she has moved on then she will disallow it.At the end of the day your bloke jumped into a situation that was beyond your control and all you can do is to see how it pans out but you should not doubt yourself for what you say as you seem to be bearing an unnecessary burden of blame for a simple remark.You stand to be permanently wrong and blamed in this relationship which isn't pleasant at all.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 January 2019):
 Get over it or don’t. If you don’t, which I totally understand and agree with, you need to leave him. You accepted that he cheated on you MULTIPLE times. It’s not surprising you’re not over it, but you can’t hold it over him and stay together. Either you let it go permanently or you let him go. Personally, I couldn’t stay with someone who cheated on me, especially more than once.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 January 2019):
 I agree with Honeypie.
You CHOSE to stay with him. That means you have accepted his cheating and decided to put it behind you to stay together. Therefore you can’t decide to keep bringing it up. If you don’t like it you should of broke up 5 years ago.
I side with your BF here, you need to ‘get over it’ as he ever so nicely put it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 January 2019):
 Hey Crazy, Let me reassure you that your feelings are quite normal. 5 years is a very short time to recover from the emotional wound of cheating, or as he so crudely puts it "get over it".
What he is trying to do is to rugsweep this so he doesn't have to deal with it. It's a very unhealthy way to handle an affair. The best thing is for you to calmly tell him that no you are not fully over it yet and that his work to build trust will bring about that time sooner than anything you can do.
I recommend that both of you sit down and agree to some boundaries with respect to contact with the ex. He may be more accommodating than you think. When you stand together as a couple you will feel safer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 January 2019):
 Since you have CHOSEN to stay with him AFTER you found out that he cheated on you a COUPLE of times, you need to FORGIVE it and LET it go. You can't drag it out as ammo when it suits YOU. Otherwise you shouldn't have stayed.
You made the CHOICE to stay with a guy who cheated on you. Which means you have ACCEPTED what he did and whatever apology/remorse he has shown.
What I think you might want to consider is that... You can "tell" him not to cheat or spend too much time with his ex, but you can't STOP him from cheating again.
You have been with him for 6 years, and LESS than a year in he was ALREADY cheating on you. Is he really a good potential long term partner?
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