A
male
age
36-40,
*uywithquestions
writes:3 and a half years ago I fell in love for the first time with a girl that I met at university. Unfortunately I don't think that love was reciprocated - a friend of a friend also had his eye on her and made his advances. My friends tell me she couldn't decide whether to get with me, or him, but ultimately she got with him. I took it pretty badly at the time, I didn't speak to either of them for the best part of a year as I was so distraught - however my friendship group has since repaired itself and we all get along just fine now.They are still dating to this day, in fact they have been living together in his parents' house for the past 2 years, although I don't know if they still are (or ever were) happy together. When we are all out in a group, they hardly talk with one another and I have perhaps only once seen a physical sign of affection between them (not even holding hands nor kissing).Furthermore, I have become good friends with the girl recently, as I split up with my ex earlier this year and have had more free time on my hands (my ex was VERY needy and left me no time for friends) so we have started hanging out and talking more. She often complains to me about him, telling me he's boring, says spiteful things to her and is forcing her to change the way she dresses to suit his desires (he gets her to wear very slutty clothes making her very unrecognisable from the girl I first met!) I've told her she needs to be bringing this up with him and not me, but she says she has tried and it's no good. I ask her why she doesn't leave him if she's so unhappy and she replies that she has feelings for him.In reality I think she might also feel a little stuck. After all she is lodging with his parents, she has a low income, and he has a very large inheritance meaning he will never need to work a day in his life. Her family on the other hand live 300 miles away. She also suffers from depression. There have been occasions in the past where she has gotten drunk and broken down in tears about her relationship - one time she actually made a move on one of our mutual friends which ended with them kissing 5 feet away from her boyfriend whilst he slept.We now speak practically daily. She has been over to my apartment a couple of times to stay the night (on the sofa) and we have been out together various times just the two of us (last week we went to the theatre). It sometimes feels to me like we're going out on a date and these are things she should be doing with her boyfriend. She says she likes that I'm adventurous and willing to try new things as I share her ambitions to travel, unlike her boring boyfriend. At other times, she has said any girl would be lucky to have me. The other night she was out with her boyfriend and others, but constantly texting me rather than enjoying herself. She said she wished I could have been there, or that she could leave everybody else and come and hang out with me. On that same night she got pretty upset and I received a text from her saying I was the only true friend she had.In addition, she is starting a post-grad course at the university just down the road from me in September. A long while back before we were as close as we are now, I offered her a place to crash if she got onto the course, as she would be much closer to university. She has since taken me up on this offer and will be staying over a couple of nights a week. She has said on more than a few occasions that she can't wait until the summer is over and we can spend more time together.Normally I'd just brush this off as her being friendly. But a lot of my friends are now speaking to me about this and raising concerns. They thing it's obvious that something will happen between us at some point after she has moved in. Even my parents reacted very surprised when I told them a girl was moving in with me but she already had a boyfriend. I've told them they're being silly as I have no intentions of getting with her. Yet they continue to harrass me as they think something will naturally just 'happen' between us anyway.Should I be cautious about this? What do you make of this girl from what I have told you? What do you think her intentions might be? Is she perhaps lining me up as her next relationship when things finally crumble with her current boyfriend?
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ambition, drunk, fell in love, kissing, move on, moved in, my ex, split up, text, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): You're an idiot! First off this girl had the chance to pick between the two of you and she choose the other guy, fair enough you were angry but like most time healed the wounds and you got on with your life, dated another girl..good for you, now you're single, this girl's relationship has fizzled...(or has it?) She plays the field, texting you while out with him, kissing another guy while her guy is sleeping next to them!!!
Are you serious! Now you're inviting the girl to come in crash at your place..come on you just want the booty, don't cry when your heart gets broke again, because if it's a relationship you want with this cheater then you're going to get your heart broke when she's cored of you. Real talk.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): Hi,
First, you sound like a nice and patient guy. This girl seems to be very indecisive. Be cautious indeed. What I will say is similar to what the previous poster said: if you still have feelings for her, talk to her about how she feels and say that you'd like her to make a decision about her current relationship. This is your time to be very honest with her and to make yourself heard loud and clear. Don't let her move in with you. If you just let her move in, things are very likely to get messy. Good luck.
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