A
male
age
41-50,
*ames3714
writes:Hi, my wife went to a girls party night recently where we both knew there would be male strippers. I was totally cool with it but she got carried away with the night and ended up giving a few seconds of oral to all but one of the strippers. She told me about it straight away and it wasn't so much of a confession as just letting me know and she was a bit embarrassed by it. Plenty of her friends did FAR worse and now have to keep secrets from their partners.I'm pretty laid back but this annoyed me. She has apologised and i guess i should be grateful that she was comfortable enough to tell me what she had done. I was over it and I told a male friend over a beer and he was gobsmacked I was okay with it and said i should have made a far bigger deal of it. Its got me confused. Should I be more angry or just let it go? I love my wife too much to punish her over something i see as just a bit stupid but at the same time, have i been too soft? Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2017): Your wife cheated on you by performing oral sex on a sex worker. She claimed that it was a few seconds and the other women did much worse. This is a common tactic, she downplayed her guilt and built up the guilt of the others. Now you're thinking oh it wasn't that bad. She did this because there were witnesses and word may have filtered back to you from one of the other cheated on partners. She basically headed it off at the pass.
The questions I have are: do you really believe the few seconds nonsense , do you think she would have told you if there was no chance of you finding out why does the alleged minimal length of time make it okay with you and finally WTH is wrong with you that you have to ask a bunch of strangers on the internet if it is okay for you to be upset that your wife performed a sex act in public with a sex worker.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017): My guess is she was drunk and fell prey to peer pressure. Personally I would let it go.
Just because she did something she shouldn't have while intoxicated and egged on doesn't mean she will have affairs, etc.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2017):
 I personally couldn't forgive that, cheating is cheating, yes she confessed but my guess is she told you her version in case you heard rumors from friends. It is your choice to forgive or not, just make sure she gets checked for STI's and you also if you have been intimate with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): If you don't care, then OK good luck. I personally think that it's cheating. I would ask her if it is now OK for you to do similar
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A
female
reader, rizzoli1985 +, writes (8 January 2017):
let it go your wife told you up front she was honest.
She could have lied not said anything The thing is your wife will do whatever she want you don't control it an issue of trust.
Maybe go to counselling if you think there a problem.
But talk to each other some people get drunk and always do stupid thing when drink involved
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): I have the feeling that you may also visit strip clubs as well. maybe regularly, or maybe for bachelor parties. That is why you and your wife are so "chill" and relaxed about these situations. You probably get lap dances, right? Or have in the past? Same kind of mindset-- cheating but it "doesn't count" because it's fast and it's strangers and you're paying for it. Except that these things, for many people, are cheating when you think about it. Was there perhaps some retaliation in your wife's actions?I think you and your wife both need to have a long talk and both reflect on your own about where your boundaries should be. If you are both truly fine with that lifestyle, that is your decision to make. However, for many people, modern day strip clubs are a far cry from the old-school "just watching someone naked" kind, and you have already seen what a slippery slope this is (pardon the pun).
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (7 January 2017):
 This would worry me a bit. It wasn't just one stripper, but several by the sounds of it. She must have been enjoying it to move from one to another. But ultimately it is your decision how to respond and I am impressed that you are handling it in such a mature way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): shes just proved she isnt going to commit to you fully. what if she now does oral to you and passes something on to you? what about if she does it again to someone else or worse cheats on you? if she hasnt already. if she really loved you she wouldnt of done it.. no matter how much peer pressure or how "carried" away she got.
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (6 January 2017):
 Male Anon who just noted "trickle truth" nailed this one for me.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (6 January 2017):
First of all...You the man...a real man!!! Thank goodness there are a few of us left.
You love your wife first...that is why you are not getting a divorce right now. Awesome.
You chose not to let the foolish male pride and ego do the talking and controlling of your actions.
Not many men would have done what you just did. They would be steaming with anger, hurt ego, and pride. They forget that they do things on a daily bases...may not be to that extreme with a woman...but enough to make most women blood boil.
Every marriage is tested...That is the way GOD made it...why?
Your VOW...The moment you say that vow, now you have to prove it...and everything in wood works will come at your marriage to prove if you meant want you said...And her actions is proof.
You could have done want the world wants and get a divorce. Or choose the reason you married her in the first place...LOVE...and prove you meant what you said.
Now I am not saying what your wife did was right. But there could be more to her actions than you know. Before you get pissed off...there is always a lesson to be learnt.
She maybe holding on to a wide side you have not explored yet. She could be to ashamed to bring it up, or ask you to try it. Why do I say this? Most wives have pretty good control if not rock solid control over their desires. I find wives normally act out like this when they themselves are missing something like this party in their lives....Excitement. To be desired by a man...mainly you.
Humans will seek out in others what they are missing in their own lives. So maybe your wife's actions is calling out to you, asking for some excitement in your marriage, or for you to desire her the way that stripper did.
So as easy as it is to punish her...you could instead learn from it, and punish her in a way that she desires...Got whip cream :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017):
First off, Google the term 'Trickle Truth'. You probably got the cleaned up version of what she did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): Male reader, this stuff happens much more than you think. There are a lot of slutty women out there. Who do you think the men cheat with?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): TBH I find a lot of difficulty in accepting this as a true story because I think it goes totally against the female nature, but then maybe I am too old and simple minded or missed a lot of things in life. I honestly dont know what to say. to me this borders having sex with a total stranger. totally unacceotable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): It's really interesting to read the different responses towards the wife of this man being with strippers and the man on here who posted that he is sleeping with massage women . There seems to be a whole lot more understanding and tolerance towards a man doing these things and this women has basically been crucified
Sexism is alive and well
Good luck op . Counselling would be my recommendation
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (6 January 2017):
 EW...gross. But really, it is up to you. Why make a mountain if in your emotional opinion is a mole hill? If you do think otherwise after some thought- perhaps it is a case of " just letting you know hun thats the first and last time you get away with that, just want to be clear" A group of men going down of a chick is not entertainment IMHO so i cant see how it is any different for a group of women. All in the name of a bit of 'fun' hardly excuses her behaviour. 1 second, 1minute or 1 hour she chose to stick her lips around some guys dick. A mean who knows where its been, they don't wear condoms do they?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): Hmmmm. That is a tough call.She went down a slippery slope which shows she is vulnerable to potential cheating down the road. If a woman is solid in her marriage, she would never slip up like this. Not even for a second. I hate how people say it was a temporary lapse in judgment and it did not mean anything or I was drunk or in a group who egged me on. Bullshit. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own actions and behaviour. It's the same as saying OOPS, my dick landed in her vagina. How ever did that happen??I think actions speak volumes. And she crossed a line. Does not matter if she jumped over it or walked over it and then back, the line was crossed. Period.I had something similar happen but I was not at fault. Years ago when I was a few years into my marriage I went out to a strip club with women friends to celebrate another friend getting married. A girl's night out. Now, one of the strippers came to sit at our table after a performance. And he touched my boob. Just brushed his hand over my nipple. Everybody was talking. I am not even sure how it happened or what lead to it. But I did tell my husband. And many of the ladies were also married and thought nothing of it. But I thought it was inappropriate on the stripper's part although obviously he does that to all the ladies! I felt uncomfortable with it but brushed it off. And my husband didn't like it but trusted that it was not my fault and I was not encouraging him. I have not been to a strip club since. I just find them sleazy.However, to give a few seconds of oral is cheating. Giving oral period is cheating. The timing of it is irrelevant here. I mean, this COULD have escalated. NOW, how DO YOU KNOW it DID NOT escalate? She told you it was a few seconds but is that the WHOLE STORY? DO you trust her? Hmmmm. Her other friends have done more and not told their partners? Are you sure she has not done more too? And what kind of women is your wife hanging around with anyway? They are a BAD influence on her! You know what they say about the company you keep!I think in order to cope and not feel too much disgust or loss of trust in your wife, you are attempting to water down her actions. Tell yourself it was an oops and that you can forgive her, that it was nothing and meant nothing and that she is truly sorry. But you need to face the truth. What she did was wrong and hurtful to you. And let's not forget disrespectful. If you think you can forgive her, that is going to be difficult. You are going to always be looking over your shoulder for her to misbehave again at any time. Not a nice way to live. With worry and suspicion about the person who vowed to be loyal to you til death do you part. She has already broken that vow. Now, what else is she CAPABLE of?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2017): Ugh, as a woman I have never wanted to be any where near a stripper - that's just my preference. If the strippers were so brazen to perform sex acts (so they're no longer strippers but are male prostitutes) then your wife needs and STI check and if she has since had contact with you then you need one too. Sexually transmitted infections can spread by oral sex too, and you said she gave all but one stripper oral so the responsible thing would be for you both to get tested.
Your friend might have reacted strongly but this isn't his business and she isn't his wife. You feel what you feel and if you are happy to move forward and on from this then carry on. His reaction shouldn't impact your relationship.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (5 January 2017):
I read your post earlier and had to think about how will I put this politely.
First, your feelings are yours and if you feel no anger, then whatever your friends say is their opinion. You own your own emotions and are entitled to your actions. I respect that fully.
Second, your wife should have never been there in the first place because, as an adult, she knows what goes on in those situations. Why expose yourself to unneeded temptation when all is well without it?
Third, whatever your wife confessed that she did is her word against enormous amount of evidence that at such events more stuff happens. She, herself said that "others" did much worse stuff, so in the least, her claim that she was blowing a guy for "few seconds" is a story told to preserve purity (claiming drunk is another). Blowing a guy is wrong, period. No excuses. She knew it before she stuffed that strangers' penis in her mouth, that's for sure.
Finally, just because your friend felt outrage at what she did - or just because I believe that her story is 20% true with 80% of its juicy sex hidden - it does not mean that you must feel outrage. If you offered forgiveness and you are happy with that then fine, you are entitled to that. However, if you are asking what I would feel in your situation then you probably know.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (5 January 2017):
 I don't think putting a stranger's, or worse, strangers' dicks in your mouth is acceptable.
It is the crowd-effect which can draw normal people into actions which they might usually shun. People have to be confident enough in themselves to avoid acting like sheep. That is the generous explanation.
More worrying is that she was enjoying what was going on. And you only have her word how far the oral went. Perhaps better to confess to a small sin than be caught out later by the enormity of the truth.
I can understand why you are concerned. You have just won a huge get-out-of-jail-free card.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2017): A tricky one! Is it normal for women to go to strip clubs and give strippers oral? Not my cup of tea.
But anyway what would she have done if you had given oral to a female stripper and you told her?
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A
female
reader, Nittynora +, writes (5 January 2017):
 People do get carried away at these events, especially as they have had a drink and can sometimes be egged on by so called mates.I have never quite understood why women want to go and see a male stripper, mind you I have been a nurse for 32 years so I suppose I am sick of seeing peoples bits and bobs, and certainly would not pay to do so."Her mates did far worse", I dread to think!!!!!!!!!!!!!I think these events are tacky and I can guess that there was a lot of drink about and goading. Women are more disgusting than men are you know, women I think are worse. Its not just a man thing to lust after a stripper. I do think she went too far, especially as she gave oral to more than one stripper ( is that right?). but the thing is she has told you about it. I can understand you being annoyed with her but she has told you about it, so I would put it behind you for now. BUT if she wants to go and see another stripper than I would lay the law down. Its gone now, leave it be, but perhaps she should question how she conducts herself in future and the company she keeps.
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