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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend for 6 months, this is my first relationship (i am 25), i am totally inexperienced whereas he has been in six relationships, two of them for two years. I don't know if i am being pathetic or selfish, but a lot of things have been upsetting me and i don't know whether it is just affecting me more because its all new to me or not. For example, he is often very very very moody and when he gets that way he can be fairly horrible. Like last week i had an assignment due in and was working like mad and panicing to get it finished in time. He did not offer one word of encouragement, not one. Nor did he ask me at work (we work at the same place) on the monday after i had been up all night finishing it whether i was alright and did it get finished, nothing. This is not an isolated case, like i said that i thought that six months together was a big thing for me and that it would be nice to do something, anything! He said that was a good idea, but nothing materialised so i thought he had forgotten. I reminded him this weekend and said that yes i was probably being daft, but that i thought it was worth noting that we had been together 6 months (especially considering i have never been in this position before) and asked him if he was bothered and he said 'i'm not that fussed, a year maybe', which made me feel fairly stupid. Plus, i'm always asking how he is and spending hours and hours trying to cheer him up when he is in one of his (frequent) moods, yet i don't think he appreciates the effort i put in (not that i think of it as a chore or anything) but when i really need him, he is not there whereas i am always there and would do anything for him. I have an eating disorder and had stopped for 6 weeks, but i had a relapse. That day he was in one of his moods, i really wanted to tell him about it (because i promised him i would if it happened again), but i couldn't because he was going on and on about worrying he would lose his job (out of the blue, putting 2 and 2 together and getting 76). I spent 3 hours trying to cheer him up even though i felt so ashamed and depressed myself with what i had done. I told him 5 days later that i had had a relapse and he went mad saying that i had lost some of his trust for not telling him when it happened and his estimation of me had gone down. When i explained that i didn't burden him because of him being upset about his job and his car breaking down that week he didn't even take that into consideration. I don't know, i'm really confused. Plus he gets suspicious about what i'm doing and who i'm talking to, which upsets me as i've never even kissed someone else before...so i'm the last person in the world who would cheat on him. Plus when we were in a shop and i was buying my mother flowers, a friend from work saw us and said 'ooh, are you buying (me) flowers' and he responded with 'HELL no!'. That made me feel really worthless. Bet this all sounds really trite and standard things, but they have been building up and i don't know what to do about it. Do you think i am being over sensitive??? Finally (sorry about the length of this) should i be worried that for three weeks he has not kissed me or shown me very much affection. I asked him if it was something about me that was repulsive and he just said that 'that isn't everything i think about'and that he has been worrying about his car and 'don't appreciate whats involved'. Of course i do! But he only lives a few miles from work and could walk it at a push, yet he makes things like this into a massive deal, anyone would think his arm had just been ripped off. Should i be concerned that he can blow hot and cold with affection so frequently, if he is so bad with small things that go wrong in life, what would he do if something really bad occurred??? Any feedback would be appreciated x
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (25 September 2006):
 Has he always been this way with the lack of care and concern? He may just not realise what he is doing and until you point it out he won't realise on his own.Because you haven't been in a relationship before he is probably using this to his own advantage as you have no referance as to whether this is normal or not, I would be concerned at him not kissing or any affection for 3 weeks if he just didn't realise he was being this way and you pointed it out to him he didn't make an effect which he then should have done if he just hadn't realised his problems were effecting you two as a couple.You need to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, you shouldn't be treated like you don't matter, the things going on with you don't matter or whats important to you doesn't matter as you are both in this relationship together therefore you are both important and the things concerning each one of you matters or should do.Good luck :o)
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