A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years who I love dearly, constantly talks about sex. He masterbates at least 2 or more times a day. We do not live together, but we spent the weekends together and some nights during the week. We both are 53 yrs old. He has started telling me of a lot of sexual encounters he had in the past. This included his old girlfriend of 13 years. He would let her have sex with other men while he watched and masterbates. He also would have sex with other women during that time. He has brought this up to me, but I am not interested. Also now he has told me that 20 years ago he had sex with his best friends mother, he had sex with an aunt. He also always wants me to wear stockings, garter belt and high heels everytime we have sex. For some reason lately he wants to start fantasing about his friend's mother while we are having sex as far as wanting me to role play as "her" and he wants to call out her name while we are having sex. Should I be concerned? He told me over and over again that he loves me, and this fantasy doesn't mean he doesn't love me.
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (14 November 2009):
 No, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you but you do have a right to be concerned.
This is a guy who has been allowed to be sexually "free" (for want of a better word) for a large part of a previous relationship and which he is probably feeling constrained with in subsequent ones.
The bottom line is, most people do have fantasies, sometimes they're a little more left of the center than others, but they're there non the less.
Just because your partner has these fantasies doesn't for a second mean that you have to give in to them or feel bad about turning him down when he asks you to participate in them.
I think the problem here, from what I am reading, is that he is telling you what HE wants and isn't necessarily listening to what you want - or don't want. I think you need to be very open and honest with him reguarding your true feelings about his fantasies.
If he truly does love you, he will not want you do partake in anything you don't want to do, and he should, out of respect, ease up on the pressure to wear stockings etc. Ok, they get him off, but if they're doing nothing for you then this is not fair behaviour.
If you both can't talk to one another about this issue and come to some kind of middle ground or absolute understanding, then i'm afraid he may not be the man for you, regardless of whether he loves you or not. You need to be happy too.
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