A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am in a new relationship and my boyfriend has suddenly changed. He is not the sweet, caring guy that I got to know. He's become very withdrawn and hardly speaks to me via call or text, even in person! Though he is always on his phone when I'm with him. When I call him he gets angry and hangs up if the conversation isn't interesting, or if I'm calling to let him know I'm nearby he would answer the phone rudely. I try to make the effort in messaging him first and being generally concerned but, it makes me feel like he's no longer interested?When we have sex all he cares about is making sure he's satisfied, there is hardly any foreplay so, I'm never aroused which makes sex painful / difficult. He has also compared me to a girl he once had sex with which made me feel very insecure about myself. He tries to control how much I drink / the time I get to see him / the hair on my body. If I shaved the day before, a little stubble would come up and he would be angry that it's not smooth and would not want to have sex with me.He's super demanding, asking me to buy him gifts, cook for him, massage him etc, instead of me wanting to do it he just kind of tells me to angrily. He's become very angry and doesn't know how to communicate. What can I do? I have spoken with him but all he says is "sorry then!", which doesn't seem sincere and doesn't seem like he cares much, because we are in a new relationship I don't know how to either tell him it's over or try to get him back to how he was before.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (23 July 2016):
 I agree with the other aunts - the person you thought you were getting into a relationship with was all an act. What you see now is the kind of person this guy really is - selfish, rude, controlling, and manipulative. You can't get him back to who he was before because that person never actually existed.
The fact that it is a new relationship should actually make it a little easier for you to cut ties and walk away from the mistreatment. "John, as we get to know each other better I just don't feel we're as compatible as we originally thought. I think it's best we go our separate ways."
Most importantly, be firm in your decision. Don't let this would-be emotional abuser convince you to take him back. The flaws you describe are deep enough that he can't just "decide" one day he wants to change them, and suddenly become the type of man you'd actually want to be with. This is his personality; it's who he is. It would take deep and ongoing commitment from him, likely accompanied by hours and hours of professional counseling, to change the controlling and emotionally abusive streak that he's shown you. I say this not because I think you should stick around waiting and hoping for such changes (please don't), but so that you understand that any promises he may make you about changing his ways when he realizes you are ready to leave him over this are nothing but hollow words without serious and intensive action to back them up. Let him go so you can find someone who treats you like a cherished human being, not an object, a servant, or an annoyance.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes moving forward!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2016): I agree with the other aunts, OP.
Tell him it's over.
Stick to it.
Don't let him sweet talk his way back with false promises.
Even if he did "change", it would only be an act, for a very short time, before he goes back to his controlling and abusive ways.
You are smart. You know you are better than he is and that he does not deserve you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Please don't invest any more of your heart or time on this guy. Better to get out now.
He is not worth it.
You, on the other hand, ARE.
Plenty of guys out there who WILL treat you right. With RESPECT and CARING and THOUGHTFULNESS.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 July 2016):
 Should you bail? YES
There is NOTHING in your post that indicated that you actually CARE for him or he for you, so what's the point? Are you that scared of being single that you will settle for this kind of guy who treats you like a doormat?
You say this is a new relationship, so while is ISN'T behaving like a great guy already... you are seeing only a TIP of the iceberg here... The longer you stay... the worse this will get.
Just end it, block him and walk away.
I think you already know this is dead in the water, with no future.
And maybe.... next time don't ACCEPT crappy treatments from a guy.
It is 100 times better to be SINGLE, than to be in a semi abusive, unhealthy, messed up relationship. Don't you agree?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 July 2016):
 Sweetie you are not going to get him back to who he was before, when he first met you he put on a show and you fell for it, he pretended to be a sweet nice guy, but now he is showing his true colors. From what you have said he has anger issues and he is also trying to control you and what you do. He is knocking your confidence by comparing you to another girl, he doesn't care if he hurts you during sex as long as he is satisfied. honey please get as far away from him as you possibly can. He is no good for you. He will only tear you down, you can do much better. I am glad you have recognized the signs and you can see that the way he is treating you is not fair. Finish with him now before it gets a lot worse. Good Luck.
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